"vinegar wounds"

Disclaimer: There is no disclaimer. I'm in a very testy mood and this is how I'm feeling right now. It's a dark poem, I guess, kinda my way of venting without injuring anyone emotionally or physically.. Um, it's a jealousy/insecurity/completely confused writing, not really sure why I'm posting, but er, I am. So here it is. =P
"vinegar wounds"

you are a goddess
you are a demon
you transcend me
even when i'm dreaming
i hate you
and yet i love you too
and when i think about it
i don't know what to do
i don't like to think
i'd rather just live
don't talk about the future
because the past i can't forgive
how can i deny someone
something they want so bad
how can i allow someone
if it makes me feel this bad?
i get so sick sometimes
living off of bile
and mismatched rhymes
i can't spit my venom on you
because you don't understand
the things you do
you mean me no harm
yet i perceive you a threat
cuz my indirect pain
is for your benefit
i want to go somewhere and cry
want to vomit up blood until i die
because if i can't be the only
i don't want to be the any
i've never been okay
with winning second place
i can never take that trophy
and keep a smiling face
but what if
yeah what if
what if i'm not good enough
to win first?