Showing posts with label Nik. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nik. Show all posts
Monday, 19 January 2015
had a good run of days where i thoroughly performed my man act;
you know the one where i check my emotions and hide my devotions
and go through the motions of moving from day to day to day
and resist saying: i've missed you, i've wanted to kiss you,
wanted to be with you, just hanging together and doing whatever
comes to mind. i've wanted to give you a piece of my time.
but you know what's going on when i keep this inside; you come
to my house and you lie in my bed and you ask me to tell you
all the things i haven't said, you lead me with your speech,
you're asking me, you're asking me, "what is it that you fail
to say" and you are telling me, you are telling me, "you cannot
scare me away" and in what way can i dodge this, the answer is
i couldn't and i can't; you get me from that certain special
slant from which there can be no defense. you come to my house
and you pet all my pets and you ask me to say what i haven't said
yet, and there goes my span of days of being a man in ways;
i do as i've been asked to. i do what i need to do. i tell you
that i love you.
Friday, 9 January 2015
"soup for two"
brain stew gravy,
all that's left in here.
i lost whatever you gave me,
and i lost all my fear.
everything degraded
into this oozing stew.
and i'm not afraid of anything,
now i'm not scared of you.
too dumb to know what's good for me,
stupidly step into whatever i might.
brain stew gravy, all that's guiding me,
leading me tonight.
all that's left in here.
i lost whatever you gave me,
and i lost all my fear.
everything degraded
into this oozing stew.
and i'm not afraid of anything,
now i'm not scared of you.
too dumb to know what's good for me,
stupidly step into whatever i might.
brain stew gravy, all that's guiding me,
leading me tonight.
Sunday, 4 January 2015
... round one!
hand it over,
give it back.
when i said you could have it,
i didn't mean that
you could take it out
and stomp it apart,
no, i want it back,
give me back my heart.
... hm, that was okay, but let's try for two.
you put things in my hands,
you take them back out.
i watch, i listen, i love, and
i never know what you're about.
you are the quietest man i've ever met,
you are the most confusing friend of mine.
i watch, i listen, i love, and
i fall for you every time. do
you know what i am about? do
you really understand?
... well, i've never been queen of love poems. so a third attempt.
hands down,
i can hardly handle you.
and i don't know whether or not
you even try to handle me.
doesn't matter,
i'm pleased with the good things we do,
even i can never tell if you
ever feel similarly.
hard to read,
you put the simple in japanese.
crazy american,
why do you do this to me?
hand over hand, i try
so very hard to please.
but you are closed like a book
in a language i can't read.
hands down, hands held,
i'm confused,
but pleased.
hand it over,
give it back.
when i said you could have it,
i didn't mean that
you could take it out
and stomp it apart,
no, i want it back,
give me back my heart.
... hm, that was okay, but let's try for two.
you put things in my hands,
you take them back out.
i watch, i listen, i love, and
i never know what you're about.
you are the quietest man i've ever met,
you are the most confusing friend of mine.
i watch, i listen, i love, and
i fall for you every time. do
you know what i am about? do
you really understand?
... well, i've never been queen of love poems. so a third attempt.
hands down,
i can hardly handle you.
and i don't know whether or not
you even try to handle me.
doesn't matter,
i'm pleased with the good things we do,
even i can never tell if you
ever feel similarly.
hard to read,
you put the simple in japanese.
crazy american,
why do you do this to me?
hand over hand, i try
so very hard to please.
but you are closed like a book
in a language i can't read.
hands down, hands held,
i'm confused,
but pleased.
Sunday, 28 December 2014
"lash"
my eyelashes grow back in so quickly,
as if to hide the bare patches of flesh.
as if to try and conceal my ugliness.
but i don't try to be pretty anymore,
i am past that stage of life.
i am past that particular obsession.
so now i barely smile at their efforts,
wishing they would just let me be ugly.
wishing they would just let me be me.
always i am told that what counts
is what is on the inside. but what's outside
is what everyone judges me on.
why should i fight this system any longer,
when my bones are tired with resistance?
when my skin is razor thin with trying?
for what reason should i keep my eyelashes,
the long, thick symbols of beauty?
the long, thick lies of my eyes.
no, i will not keep them,
i will yank them, still breathing, as fast as they grow in.
i will not conceal the reality of my anatomy.
this land was made for you and me.
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
Note
that some of them were written when it wasn't snowing. That's not really the
point. The point is that snow means i can stay at my mom's house all day and
post the poems i have written and saved on this machine, moo ha ha ha.
Yeah.
Comments, etc, appreciated greatly as always. They make my little world spin on its axis.
in chronological order:
"zero g"
rocket to the moon
rocket out of this skin
i'm going to shoot it away
there's nothing left in
so then i'll be weightless
then i'll be free
among the stars among the dust
there'll be nothing
there'll be no me
there'll be no you
no failure, no challenge, no winning, no waste
no you, no you, no infinite debate
just nothing me, with
nothing face,
nothing but cool logic
and the slow spread of space.
(12/16/01 - the rest are from today)
"paraphrasia"
his diagnosis of me:
an unfortunate love
for endlessly asking questions
ceaseless movement of
elastic mouth and mind
ever manic baby
hypervigilant hands wringing out
all nascent drops
of an echolalic life
he adds, apologetical:
my paraphrasia praeceps,
i think may be
a girl ahead of her time.
"strand"
i guess it's settled now
that i dream in your own language
that before i knew anything
of your beard
i dreamed of it and of hope
and you
tied to my life
always resurfacing, my sweet secret
always magnetizing me
though i try to resist, i'm
tied to this winding life
and you
our divergent paths cross
yet again, my love
yet i cannot breathe a shadow
of what i see in fate, for fear
our kingdom will crumble back to the sea
and you
will somehow break the strand
that it will shatter with my speaking
that my utterance will unravel it
and finally you
will find a route away from
me
"muddle"
the first time
i sat down to rearrange words
into a bouquet of my choosing
was so long ago
not even the elephants remember
the last time
i sat down to pull myself together
with the aid of my vocabulary
was so recent past
that my hands are still shaking
seven years, five years, ten?
that is, since i first picked up
a book and pen
and wrote in my best life blood
it bothers me that i can't remember
our first time, love
and it irks me that even now
the pieces splinter further apart
too broken to follow to the origin
follow them
*back*
to my heart
which i must have left near the start.
"a call to silence"
i think i might be aphasic
that is, i mean nominally
it never seems that the right word
ever wants to come to me
it's okay baby, i know
we all just want to be free
free of the syntax,
free of the relapse,
free of the contracts
and the complex contractions
it seems
silence is the science
of satisfaction.
sweet sweet Aphonia
come on and set me free
because everybody knows that
everyone wants to be
free of violence of the noise
in the silence why won't the silence
ever claim me?
claim my reflux,
claim my dumbstruck,
claim my traction
and the unreasonable attractions
take me
into the deep silence
and satisfaction.
"malcontent"
what do you think of me?
a malcontent?
a trouble maker
who, like the say,
eats her men
like air?
you're not the first
to be here
not the first to be
scared
there's safety in numbers
true what you
have taught me
alone i count the days
til across the chasm
of our relations
i will be free
just to be alone
and tired
and angry
and unknown
so i'll go where no one
knows me there
and no one thinks
that i eat souls
like air
and no one there
is hell bent
on believing that i'm
a malcontent.
....
and because i think the number six is evil, here's uh, one from the top of my head:
"handholding Kelvin"
you make me so cold
my fingers grow so old
and stiff with this
emotional arthritis
it's hard to write what's real
hard to identify what i feel
difficult to find the keys
and make them work for me
will not this winter
end somewhere?
Yeah.
Comments, etc, appreciated greatly as always. They make my little world spin on its axis.
in chronological order:
"zero g"
rocket to the moon
rocket out of this skin
i'm going to shoot it away
there's nothing left in
so then i'll be weightless
then i'll be free
among the stars among the dust
there'll be nothing
there'll be no me
there'll be no you
no failure, no challenge, no winning, no waste
no you, no you, no infinite debate
just nothing me, with
nothing face,
nothing but cool logic
and the slow spread of space.
(12/16/01 - the rest are from today)
"paraphrasia"
his diagnosis of me:
an unfortunate love
for endlessly asking questions
ceaseless movement of
elastic mouth and mind
ever manic baby
hypervigilant hands wringing out
all nascent drops
of an echolalic life
he adds, apologetical:
my paraphrasia praeceps,
i think may be
a girl ahead of her time.
"strand"
i guess it's settled now
that i dream in your own language
that before i knew anything
of your beard
i dreamed of it and of hope
and you
tied to my life
always resurfacing, my sweet secret
always magnetizing me
though i try to resist, i'm
tied to this winding life
and you
our divergent paths cross
yet again, my love
yet i cannot breathe a shadow
of what i see in fate, for fear
our kingdom will crumble back to the sea
and you
will somehow break the strand
that it will shatter with my speaking
that my utterance will unravel it
and finally you
will find a route away from
me
"muddle"
the first time
i sat down to rearrange words
into a bouquet of my choosing
was so long ago
not even the elephants remember
the last time
i sat down to pull myself together
with the aid of my vocabulary
was so recent past
that my hands are still shaking
seven years, five years, ten?
that is, since i first picked up
a book and pen
and wrote in my best life blood
it bothers me that i can't remember
our first time, love
and it irks me that even now
the pieces splinter further apart
too broken to follow to the origin
follow them
*back*
to my heart
which i must have left near the start.
"a call to silence"
i think i might be aphasic
that is, i mean nominally
it never seems that the right word
ever wants to come to me
it's okay baby, i know
we all just want to be free
free of the syntax,
free of the relapse,
free of the contracts
and the complex contractions
it seems
silence is the science
of satisfaction.
sweet sweet Aphonia
come on and set me free
because everybody knows that
everyone wants to be
free of violence of the noise
in the silence why won't the silence
ever claim me?
claim my reflux,
claim my dumbstruck,
claim my traction
and the unreasonable attractions
take me
into the deep silence
and satisfaction.
"malcontent"
what do you think of me?
a malcontent?
a trouble maker
who, like the say,
eats her men
like air?
you're not the first
to be here
not the first to be
scared
there's safety in numbers
true what you
have taught me
alone i count the days
til across the chasm
of our relations
i will be free
just to be alone
and tired
and angry
and unknown
so i'll go where no one
knows me there
and no one thinks
that i eat souls
like air
and no one there
is hell bent
on believing that i'm
a malcontent.
....
and because i think the number six is evil, here's uh, one from the top of my head:
"handholding Kelvin"
you make me so cold
my fingers grow so old
and stiff with this
emotional arthritis
it's hard to write what's real
hard to identify what i feel
difficult to find the keys
and make them work for me
will not this winter
end somewhere?
Monday, 8 December 2014
Three
poems. Warning: Just a bit on the angry side.
Well, i just got done writing a paper a little while ago for my advanced comp class, and yeah. I'm a bit fired up. So i wrote some more.
"tired of the same"
stupid head,
stupid broken brain
if i was a real girl
i'd like pink
i'd be exactly the same
and everywhere i go
they all sing the same refrain:
have you no self control
girl, have you no
no shame?
because you can't just open your mouth
and say those things you say
you simply cannot up and
tip the world around
that way
and everywhere i go
they always make me pay
honey, pink makes me sick
and i'm disgusted
with being ashamed
cuz i didn't build this head,
cuz i didn't build this brain
and i can't help but be myself
and she can't just stop
and be the same
these days i just can't stop
and listen to their blame,
no more than they will stop
and listen to my rage.
"shook"
so i started to get angry
hoping my writer's block would break
and then i got so mad
that my hands started to shake
they shook so bad for so long
that i was afraid to move my pen
and when i thought about how scared i was
i got angry all over again
it's not that i hate women,
and i don't even hate guys
it's just that sometimes i can't understand
how the human race survives
when we're all so very stupid,
and we're content to close our eyes
and we live each new century
through the last century's lies
and when i try to think it through
i get so mad all over again
that i can't even make a logical sentence
travel from my brain to the open end
and it makes it even worse because
all this time i waste and shake
there's a world i want hear my words
and an order i want to break.
"chances"
hey, guys,
i'm really frustrated.
and you don't want to know why,
but i'm going to go ahead and say it.
you don't have to listen,
i know you won't anyway.
but i came here to talk,
and i'm going to say what i've got to say.
you know that i'm tired of everyone
in the world thinking that they're better than me.
and i'm really getting sick
of hearing myself agree.
so i'm here to take a chance,
to stand up and open my mouth
so at least i can say that i tried
to get my life all sorted out.
i am woman, go ahead
and hear me roar.
i'm just a girl, but honey,
i am so much more.
and this a world where there is just
no room to be a chick
and want anything at all that's been
portioned off as in the realm of dick.
and everything outside of being a girl
belongs to being a man
so when i admit to wanting more
i'm in trouble all over again.
but i came here to talk,
and i'm going to say what i've got to say,
so just cuz you're all mad at me now
doesn't mean i'm going away.
to tell the truth, i think
that i'm just as capable as you
and i know that i can match
you in everything that you do.
and i don't care much for borders,
and i don't care much for lines
if you want to know what i want,
all i want is what is mine.
all i'd like is for you to stop
trying to tell me that my skin
determines what kind of oppurtunities
i should be given.
so yeah, you're kind of right to say
that you think i want the world
because i want to make it safe
to live on this earth and be a girl.
but guys, i'm really frustrated,
and i know you don't want to hear it,
but look, this world vision i have,
i know we're nowhere near it.
and i know this dream i have,
it's pretty far away.
but honey, we got to start out somewhere,
and that's what i came here to say.
Well, i just got done writing a paper a little while ago for my advanced comp class, and yeah. I'm a bit fired up. So i wrote some more.
"tired of the same"
stupid head,
stupid broken brain
if i was a real girl
i'd like pink
i'd be exactly the same
and everywhere i go
they all sing the same refrain:
have you no self control
girl, have you no
no shame?
because you can't just open your mouth
and say those things you say
you simply cannot up and
tip the world around
that way
and everywhere i go
they always make me pay
honey, pink makes me sick
and i'm disgusted
with being ashamed
cuz i didn't build this head,
cuz i didn't build this brain
and i can't help but be myself
and she can't just stop
and be the same
these days i just can't stop
and listen to their blame,
no more than they will stop
and listen to my rage.
"shook"
so i started to get angry
hoping my writer's block would break
and then i got so mad
that my hands started to shake
they shook so bad for so long
that i was afraid to move my pen
and when i thought about how scared i was
i got angry all over again
it's not that i hate women,
and i don't even hate guys
it's just that sometimes i can't understand
how the human race survives
when we're all so very stupid,
and we're content to close our eyes
and we live each new century
through the last century's lies
and when i try to think it through
i get so mad all over again
that i can't even make a logical sentence
travel from my brain to the open end
and it makes it even worse because
all this time i waste and shake
there's a world i want hear my words
and an order i want to break.
"chances"
hey, guys,
i'm really frustrated.
and you don't want to know why,
but i'm going to go ahead and say it.
you don't have to listen,
i know you won't anyway.
but i came here to talk,
and i'm going to say what i've got to say.
you know that i'm tired of everyone
in the world thinking that they're better than me.
and i'm really getting sick
of hearing myself agree.
so i'm here to take a chance,
to stand up and open my mouth
so at least i can say that i tried
to get my life all sorted out.
i am woman, go ahead
and hear me roar.
i'm just a girl, but honey,
i am so much more.
and this a world where there is just
no room to be a chick
and want anything at all that's been
portioned off as in the realm of dick.
and everything outside of being a girl
belongs to being a man
so when i admit to wanting more
i'm in trouble all over again.
but i came here to talk,
and i'm going to say what i've got to say,
so just cuz you're all mad at me now
doesn't mean i'm going away.
to tell the truth, i think
that i'm just as capable as you
and i know that i can match
you in everything that you do.
and i don't care much for borders,
and i don't care much for lines
if you want to know what i want,
all i want is what is mine.
all i'd like is for you to stop
trying to tell me that my skin
determines what kind of oppurtunities
i should be given.
so yeah, you're kind of right to say
that you think i want the world
because i want to make it safe
to live on this earth and be a girl.
but guys, i'm really frustrated,
and i know you don't want to hear it,
but look, this world vision i have,
i know we're nowhere near it.
and i know this dream i have,
it's pretty far away.
but honey, we got to start out somewhere,
and that's what i came here to say.
Sunday, 7 December 2014
Humdehum...
these were all written at approximately the same time... which seems to have
been somewhere around 11 pm on New Years' Day. Actually, the first two might
have been written the day before, but who knows (all saved to the same file,
you see).
Enjoy.
Comments, etc, appreciated as always.
"gifting"
these moments you give me
that take me apart
and put me back together again
the wrong way
i cherish them every moment
i cherish them every day
"effort"
i got some rope
tie it tight
i got a knife
some cloth
a kite
i bet i can fly
you bet that i can't
guess i'll have to
guess i'll just have to try
it sure has been nice
wasting all your time
but it's gone by it's
time to fly
"breakdown by analysis"
sedate me in an attempt to tame me
dave thinks if you try hard enough
you could probably make me
into another one of your smiling
zombies
the trick is not to try
it's to let me do it on my own
let me break my own pride
down into another set of chemical
lies
d-n-a, yeah, sing it
g-e-n-e, i forget how to spell it
genetics!
yeah
"frustration/love"
find a flaw
dig beneath your skin
i want to be a part of
you won't let me in
let me take
your problems away
chew them up and spit in
your eyes are so gray
so blue so much a part
of everything i don't know
but want a piece of you and
your presence makes me slow.
"deadlines"
eleven pm
and i really shouldn't wait
sleep's calling nyquil's running
school's tomorrow and can't be
late
couldn't you show up
just a little sooner these days
need your miracle need your cynical
want your you but sleep can't
wait.
Enjoy.
Comments, etc, appreciated as always.
"gifting"
these moments you give me
that take me apart
and put me back together again
the wrong way
i cherish them every moment
i cherish them every day
"effort"
i got some rope
tie it tight
i got a knife
some cloth
a kite
i bet i can fly
you bet that i can't
guess i'll have to
guess i'll just have to try
it sure has been nice
wasting all your time
but it's gone by it's
time to fly
"breakdown by analysis"
sedate me in an attempt to tame me
dave thinks if you try hard enough
you could probably make me
into another one of your smiling
zombies
the trick is not to try
it's to let me do it on my own
let me break my own pride
down into another set of chemical
lies
d-n-a, yeah, sing it
g-e-n-e, i forget how to spell it
genetics!
yeah
"frustration/love"
find a flaw
dig beneath your skin
i want to be a part of
you won't let me in
let me take
your problems away
chew them up and spit in
your eyes are so gray
so blue so much a part
of everything i don't know
but want a piece of you and
your presence makes me slow.
"deadlines"
eleven pm
and i really shouldn't wait
sleep's calling nyquil's running
school's tomorrow and can't be
late
couldn't you show up
just a little sooner these days
need your miracle need your cynical
want your you but sleep can't
wait.
Thursday, 4 December 2014
"formulate"
"formulate"
Words happen.
break my anger
down into numbers
apply my logic
to this rage
anything to keep it
sterile
divide myself
to keep you safe
second quit
can't turn it off
no clearing away
this pain -
drown in science
or
drown in violence -
i subtract
your face
and add my shame.
Words happen.
break my anger
down into numbers
apply my logic
to this rage
anything to keep it
sterile
divide myself
to keep you safe
second quit
can't turn it off
no clearing away
this pain -
drown in science
or
drown in violence -
i subtract
your face
and add my shame.
Monday, 1 December 2014
"crash"
every time i think of you
i'm paralyzed
hold my breath
count to a hundred a hundred times
anything not to think of you
and hit that cold place
in my mind
that great big hole you must have
fallen right through
god i'm paralyzed
i can't parse it
every time i'm asked to think of you
Thursday, 27 November 2014
"ambition (disjointed)"
if you give me that much diet pepsi
i can drink it all
and by i can
i mean i will
everytime it strikes me that i have a power
i just can't resist
and by that
i mean i must
try, try, try
now in my little garden with the wool ghosts
i wrap the threads around my arms
because i can
and by i can
i mean i will
restrain, restrain, restrain
myself
i can tame it all
i can fight it all
i can win it all
i can kill it all
i can calm it all
and by i can
i mean i must
the world is mine, is mine, is mine.
the end! really. yeah, they all start with a. no, i'm not sure why.
Ah!
Wait!
First one i writ today didn't start with a, so i forgot it when posting originally. Here's that one too. (ooh aah)
Sunday, 23 November 2014
"again"
every poem i ever wrote
started with the letter a
you must be mistaken
i never spoke english
it was just a clever translation
at best
can you bare a witness?
would you like to share
my thisness?
learn the language of the mad
beneath my skin it's written
if you really want to see it
then i bet i can make you believe
victory, that's what they called me
in another tongue
in another land
i will be like this
again, again, again
the letters will happen again
and i will forget again
and you'll laugh to think
that i don't understand
and i swear
i'll never speak your english
i've never spoken your english
i'll never speak your english
i've never known your language
never again
Friday, 21 November 2014
"another"
in another tongue
in another land
will you make love to the idea
of making me love you again?
drink another toast to the
prolongation of this ghost
in another tongue
in another land
oh,
we'll make it different
oh,
we'll do it again
oh,
we'll fix it this time
oh,
we'll do it again
oh,
we'll make it perfect
oh,
we'll do it again
we will fuck it up
we will do it all again
i will fall at your command
i will fuck it up again
in another tongue
in another land
Sunday, 16 November 2014
"architects amongst the damned"
"if four walls aren't enough
we can make you five"
you say with a smile
as you paste up the sixth
"this design has a fatal flaw
without air holes i'll surely
suffocate
surely"
say i with a frown
as i throw myself against the walls
in an attempt to tear them down
but again i try too hard
"darling,
i can't hear you over the sound"
in my head
in my head
"the only place i ever am
is always this"
you make the next barrier
i down the next fifth
we will never get out
"we will never
get out
of this."
we can make you five"
you say with a smile
as you paste up the sixth
"this design has a fatal flaw
without air holes i'll surely
suffocate
surely"
say i with a frown
as i throw myself against the walls
in an attempt to tear them down
but again i try too hard
"darling,
i can't hear you over the sound"
in my head
in my head
"the only place i ever am
is always this"
you make the next barrier
i down the next fifth
we will never get out
"we will never
get out
of this."
Thursday, 13 November 2014
"acceptable"
everyone
in the entire world
wants to know the exact same thing
how are you doing in school
when's your next play
where are you going
to go to college
and make us proud
our last great hope
and i am afraid
to touch you
to tell you
the truth
nothing but
the truth
nothing but
the little person hiding
beneath the smiling
smiling shell
everyone
in the entire world
asks the exact same thing
and no one wants the answers.
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
"melancholy"
Because
i am busy and never here and yes.
Here's the poem then eh.
*HUGS*
ugly yellow green bile
swish of a whip through the air
eyes half open three quarters closed
you and you and you
and somewhere here, i'm told
me.
old grey bleeding eyes
crack of two hundred bones in unison
mind opening and closing in unwanted spasms
you and you and you
and i remember everything i've seen, but
me.
deep blue screaming veins
garbled warble of talking heads
lungs grabbing listlessly for air to feed
you and you and you
and never, never bringing life to
me.
i long for a break to my silence, and
from lips too weak to open,
a perfectly choreographed sentence
dies, drown out again by melancholy,
ugly yellow green bilious waves.
nothing now.
nothing but
you and you and you
and somewhere here, guess there must be
me.
Here's the poem then eh.
*HUGS*
ugly yellow green bile
swish of a whip through the air
eyes half open three quarters closed
you and you and you
and somewhere here, i'm told
me.
old grey bleeding eyes
crack of two hundred bones in unison
mind opening and closing in unwanted spasms
you and you and you
and i remember everything i've seen, but
me.
deep blue screaming veins
garbled warble of talking heads
lungs grabbing listlessly for air to feed
you and you and you
and never, never bringing life to
me.
i long for a break to my silence, and
from lips too weak to open,
a perfectly choreographed sentence
dies, drown out again by melancholy,
ugly yellow green bilious waves.
nothing now.
nothing but
you and you and you
and somewhere here, guess there must be
me.
Friday, 31 October 2014
"Disjointed Fingers"
""Disjointed
Fingers" Poem."
The title comes from the fact that the words to this came sorta brokenly (hence disjointed) to me, as well as the fact that it talks about fingers. La. I haven't even reread it after i wrote it, so, there you have it. Fresh off the press. Wrote it in this window even! La. La twice.
*HUGS*
Red gold ring finger,
Singing through another night
To blast away the dream seeds
Feeding with all their might.
Deep teeth in this brain coil,
Spoil the milk as it rots where it stands,
Understand that I'm tying my hands
Keep from cutting the deep veins
Straining to hold a life together.
Never wanted nothing but the loving of the self
Destructiveness. Irresponsibility, quick to be
To annihilate me, assure existance by destroying
Own subsistance?
Red gold ring finger,
Singing to a blood red moon,
Soon to be nothing but a shadow
Marring the horizon.
At the end of the day, the sun always wants to sink,
I'll drink to that.
The title comes from the fact that the words to this came sorta brokenly (hence disjointed) to me, as well as the fact that it talks about fingers. La. I haven't even reread it after i wrote it, so, there you have it. Fresh off the press. Wrote it in this window even! La. La twice.
*HUGS*
Red gold ring finger,
Singing through another night
To blast away the dream seeds
Feeding with all their might.
Deep teeth in this brain coil,
Spoil the milk as it rots where it stands,
Understand that I'm tying my hands
Keep from cutting the deep veins
Straining to hold a life together.
Never wanted nothing but the loving of the self
Destructiveness. Irresponsibility, quick to be
To annihilate me, assure existance by destroying
Own subsistance?
Red gold ring finger,
Singing to a blood red moon,
Soon to be nothing but a shadow
Marring the horizon.
At the end of the day, the sun always wants to sink,
I'll drink to that.
Friday, 24 October 2014
Sand
sand
in my hand
in my shoes
on my toes
on my clothes
on my skin
in
the way i feel
about the real
deal
between you
and i
and i cry
when i try
to understand why
it all falls through
my hand
like so much
so much sand
in my hand
in my shoes
on my toes
on my clothes
on my skin
in
the way i feel
about the real
deal
between you
and i
and i cry
when i try
to understand why
it all falls through
my hand
like so much
so much sand
Friday, 17 October 2014
"Some assorted poemses."
I've gotten back into writing things on y'know, really real paper, a lot lately. Here's some of the results.
"axium of comparison"
axium of comparison
like happy or sad
the ever present
"in or out" yes,
you need tiny tiny feet
to stand on the line
i guess you could say
i broke my toes trying
last known coordinates
stuck in quadrant III
a long fall down this dirty paper
(Note: A math class poem. An AoC is the line on a graph for an inequality that divides the plane into 2. Above the line is "greater than" and below the line is "lesser than". If you can think of the concept of different sized infinities, you'll note that the dividing (equal to) line is tiny in comparison to the subplanes.
Also, quadrant III is the bottom left square of the plane; All points are negative there.)
"Wilderness"
mountains, hills, valleys
rivers ran red
a world streaked across this skin.
for once,
it is only my own. yeah,
i got Mother Nature
fooled real good.
"Isolation (bubbles)"
your world is a soap bubble
light on the breeze,
shining swirl in an always sun
i touch it
and it shatters
into a thousand seconds of light
never to be mine.
never for me to hold.
"smooth skin"
sometimes i think
it might be funny
to touch your face.
i bet if i tapped it,
it'd all just shatter
or maybe slither off
like the skin of a snake.
i wonder,
would i find this thought so funny
if i could really see you?
oh,
the wonders of makeup.
"topography"
i don't want much.
i am a simple girl.
i only want
a switch of worlds.
all i want,
all i really want
is to be part
of some beautiful topography.
That's it. La.
Saturday, 11 October 2014
"Untitled (hello)"
""Untitled
(hello)" Poem. La."
What to say?
*HUGS*
I hit the streets
And everything is beautiful
It's mine
Covered in rain
Holding barely on
It's all divine
I wonder why
I'm so cold, I've nearly died
To say hello,
So,
Why won't I go
When they offer to let me inside?
Rain on my face and I
Will never learn to hate
Days spent pressing it to the window
Instead, I'm on my feet
To hit the streets
To run until exhaustion drags me back down
Lulls me back down
To the Land of the Low.
I know.
All i must have really wanted
Was to say hello.
What to say?
*HUGS*
I hit the streets
And everything is beautiful
It's mine
Covered in rain
Holding barely on
It's all divine
I wonder why
I'm so cold, I've nearly died
To say hello,
So,
Why won't I go
When they offer to let me inside?
Rain on my face and I
Will never learn to hate
Days spent pressing it to the window
Instead, I'm on my feet
To hit the streets
To run until exhaustion drags me back down
Lulls me back down
To the Land of the Low.
I know.
All i must have really wanted
Was to say hello.
Monday, 6 October 2014
"ticking"
I
got the idea for this while walking through my school and being annoyed by the
fluorescent lighting.
*HUGS*
Hall after hall of those violent violet lights
Day after day tied to a fluorescent life.
What you think you see
Is not what you see.
Tricks to hide the bruises,
Bandage down frayed fuses,
Ticking to be me,
Second hand always moving me down the hall,
Head plastered with papers on the wall
In the end I'll be
If no one else ends me.
Tricks to hide the bruises,
Bandage down burnt fuses,
Tick, tick, ticking time bomb me.
Hall after hall of garish fluorescent life,
Can't someone extinguish those lights?
After awhile, it's all too damned bright.
*HUGS*
Hall after hall of those violent violet lights
Day after day tied to a fluorescent life.
What you think you see
Is not what you see.
Tricks to hide the bruises,
Bandage down frayed fuses,
Ticking to be me,
Second hand always moving me down the hall,
Head plastered with papers on the wall
In the end I'll be
If no one else ends me.
Tricks to hide the bruises,
Bandage down burnt fuses,
Tick, tick, ticking time bomb me.
Hall after hall of garish fluorescent life,
Can't someone extinguish those lights?
After awhile, it's all too damned bright.
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