Down which hill did a small child roll?

Might it be the one,
littered with broken branches
and smelling of the dung of troll?

Or perhaps the one,
whose grass is disturbed
by the brown mounds of the mole?

Though possibly the one,
covered with ruts
left by sleds in the snow?

Can't be the one,
overgrown with trees
littered with leaves ever so old?

'Tisn't this one,
all full of brambles
he'd be scratched full of holes!

Nor here this one,
strewn with boulders
she'd likely fall down a hole!

No, 'tis this very hill,
all smooth and well-aimed,
straight toward the stream
with ajoining swimming hole,
this is the hill
down which a small child rolls.

Hrm. So I'm a little rusty. Oh well.

Spark

Where am I
where have I been?
travel the world
lost in sin,
I've lost who
I've been,
I hide in my skin,
cowering in the dark,
begging for the spark,
hearing with eyes
filled by clarity,
seeing with ears
troubled by sanity,
I never bled the knife
straight down to the bone,
a grinding separation
of skin and stone,
yet I burn inside
I yearn inside,
the anger hatred pain,
lost to me again,
the divine inspiration
of cauterization,
severing semblances
of sympathetic circumstances,
the will to bleed poetic
words and phrases,
to scrape my veins
to dredge my brains,
and shatter the chains
that slipped around my wrists
when I grew complacent,
as the creativity dried,
curled up and died,
was buried deep inside,
as to myself I lied,
I seek myself again,
travel the world
lost in sin,
where am I
where have I been?

Faded Silent

turn it on
turn it back,
broken record
off the track,
I hear the whispers
echo softly back,
in my mind
they yet remain,
unintelligible
and indistinct,
confused and garbled,
on the brink,
teetering on the
edge of clarity,
creeping toward
discernability,
even though they start
to coalesce, to clarify,
they crest upon
the wall of tangibility...
the burning whispers
fade and die,
severing a part of me,
a distinction without
clarity, melting back
within the flow,
the essence of
I'll never know,
a squandered premise
now voiceless whisper,
trickling syllables
ever quicker,
'til faded silence
reigns...
'til the whispers
start again

Grind

Do you ever wonder
about the futility
of it all...
That every little aspect
of your life
is simply an exercise
in self-indulgement,
meaningless other
than the artifice
society assigns you,
as your consciousness
breaks off
in small chunks,
shattering,
spiraling outward
leaving trails of
afterthought
bleeding through
the atmosphere
of your subconscious,
smearing,
confusedly concocting
random misaligned
phrases,
bearing unsweetened
sanity to the far
reaches of your mind,
shuffling brains cell
through a cyclic
infinity,
dredging all through
mercurial ecstasy,
searing your retinas
until your brain
confesses its desire
to surrender
and relenquish
all awareness
to the ever-present
grinding,
as wheat to
the millstone,
pulverized to
an ultra-fine granulated
powdery dust
fashioned in simplicity.    

It is strange
the paths I tread
seem so close
to paths I walked
not so long ago
but so strangely different...
in my mind I hear
the echoes of ideas
begging to be scribed
onto the page
and where once
my pen would have
taken flight in a blur
to scrawl words in
form, now only does
my inner voice
struggle to find
any sensible meaning
in all and any
attempts to pen
thought to page...
I know not what
transpired
but only something
has misaligned
or broken
and attempts
to pinpoint
this resistance
continually fail
and my quill bleeds
dry scribbling
nonsense
but even nonsense
begins to sound
sensible
after a thousand
relentless repetitions
and I disgress
as always
everynothing
is nonsense to me.

Bloodied,
shattered,
broken arms
don't matter,
whispers,
twisted
disemboweled
dreams dismissed,
a visceral
slice,
cutting through
your flesh,
separating dream
from reality at best,
you remember me,
only when
the blade slices deep,
and unfettered you fly,
a simple spell
to make you never,
bloodied arms forever,
you war,
you wage,
you separate your fate,
but only broken dreams
meet you with a gleam,
you remember when
your heart was in the
right,
you've forgotten
what it was to be,
contrite,
you never skip a beat,
you never miss a feat,
you always have an answer,
but you never will retreat,
you've forgotten
what it was to be
human,
you remember only
what begins
as a shattered
resemblance
of humanity,
you once were
like me, but only
when you dreamed,
you brought about
my simplicity,
and never spoke
of such things,
as my divinity,
but now...
but now...
you are just
as broken
as I,
shattered
beneath the sky
as you beg for your end,
but only then
does it begin,
you forget your place,
whispers drawing you
towards fate,
even when
you contemplate,
your unremarkable
finality,
on this plane,
transcend,
so you might
bring about
the end,
and whisper
darkly in my ear,
my dear,
don't fight the darkness,
let it draw near,
embrace it,
love it,
make it one
with your self,
but never forget
you are the darkness
you once felt.

You?
Me?
Where was I,
when I was free?
I bury myself,
in over-simplistic
realities,
never bothering
to find
commonalities,
I never could
quite understand,
the way you
ignore the darkness
just beyond your
vision...
I see it,
I breathe it,
I never forget
when my grandfather
died, I spent
several hours
with him,
never bothering
to think
this was his last night...
and then
the next morning,
he was gone,
his spirit flown,
to the beyond,
and I was torn,
sadness
and love
and confusion,
bearing me down,
never begging,
never breaking,
always around,
perhaps a whisper,
a fleeting thought,
a distant memory,
an emotion wrought
in painful memory,
if only I could remember
to burn myself in
effigy,
perhaps then,
you would care,
you would remember,
but then
what does it matter,
when mortal blood
slows, muscles atrophy,
and hearts corrode....
would you remember me?
would your friends
remember you? 

Whispers,
star shattered
dreams,
broken
falling,
cascading
about me,
my eyes
full of tears,
never will
I hear,
a difference
when you make
sure my body
is cold and dead,
a blade thrust
through my heart
or my head,
I forgive
the darkness,
encroaching
upon my sight,
I forgive the
darkness
blinding me to
the light,
if only I could
breathe
that one final
last breath,
if only I could
tell you
how to dream,
as if you
were in my mind,
broken fragments
dragging down
my simple
mind,
perhaps...
perhaps,
it is only
my wish
to falter,
to fail,
to wish
upon the star,
to severe
my only hope,
to forget,
to forget,
to break free
without regret,
will you forget me?
will you remember?
will I care
once I've gone,
beyond repair,
beyond the simple
slip of time and space,
beyond
without disgrace,
would I have died,
fighting,
for what I believe,
or would I have died,
just like a sheep? 

Its funny when the window's
broken on the spine,
and snowflakes twirling
about my head,
with static of the radio
burning in my ears,
whispers floating through
where footsteps are tread,
I break down into calligraphy,
whirling and spinning about
as if dancing to a mad symphony,
tracing fingers flying through the air,
writing laserpoint words that disappear,
and as fingernails slice the layered ice
separation makes me blind and scared
hopping through from time and space,
dimension dooring all over the place,
stepping through holes cut from the whole,
doorways, passages, and rabbit holes,
sent to investigate, discover, and explore,
the window dressing in that department store,
wasn't really worth more than a copper piece,
so the ferret backs out in reverse,
accompanied by an intermittent beep,
hopping that mad little hop of excitement
reserved for exploring places heretofore
left undisturbed and unexplored,
once again through the dimension door,
hopping, twirling, madly swirling,
dancing a jig, and ready for more! 

In darkness, twisting wraiths,
broken wrists pose no restraints,
has it been so long,
the words have gone?
the wraiths twist back,
to hear bones snap
and broken bones grind,
the emptiness expands
as darkness brands
my skin, fading painlessly away,
yet the words never stay...
they once came so easily,
flowing so seductively, now
not even force holds them at bay,
they flee my mind with ease,
I can no longer constrain
the ethereal wisps that once played,
inside my mind, inside my time,
like a broken clockwork misaligned,
the wheels turn ponderously,
yet revolutions pass ineffectually,
has it been so long,
that my soul has gone?
Can darkness bring it back again?
Would misery replenish me?
or have I simply given in?
relenquished
retired
expired
expelled my own sinister spirit,
forsaken my malevolent muse,
broken free of maniacal melancholy,
and found happiness...?

It starts
softly,
a whisper
in your ear,
a tickle really,
an builds,
rolling down
your eardrum,
with the tiniest
of echoing
whispers,
building
to half winded
voice, rising
to full strength,
growing
to powerful
shout,
reverberating
wildly upon
your mind,
blasting away
ideas unrelated,
consuming every
thought before
it can escape,
driving your
mind again
to her soft,
supple,
whisper...

Twisting, writhing,
hanging stretched in the wind,
three sheets, no four,
never felt more,
pain in my wrists
the rope bites deep,
twisting, writhing,
sun beats down
burning skin brown,
drying flesh
into a dirty mesh,
of body and dress,
a crow alights
on the limb above,
cocks head sideways
smiles,
an impressive feat
for one with no lips,
only beak,
sitting patiently
waiting for last breath
to rattle
free of chest,
cawing softly to itself,
happy to wait,
sitting by hands
but safely out of reach...
waiting until eyes
dry open, unblinking
unfocusing,
tongue swollen,
thick, dry, cracked
along with lips
no longer drawn
past breath...

Paranoia
settles
in the pit
of my stomach,
effortlessly
squeezing away
every last
increment
of optimism,
rifling through
old memories
older dreams
broken fantasies,
mangling pasts
twisting presents
shattering futures,
filtering
reality
through streamers
of incoherence,
barraging with
wisps of fear
whispers of terror
whiskers of hope,
whisked about
as if an egg
in a stainless
steel world,
reality
is a paranoid
delusion,
the spiderweb
of cracks
in a broken mirror,
each one a tendril
of fate
organized
in seemingly
random patterns,
all following
each other
hopelessly
to the beginning
where you end...,
to the end
that is beginning...

Broken Mirror

Paranoia
settles
in the pit
of my stomach,
effortlessly
squeezing away
every last
increment
of optimism,
rifling through
old memories
older dreams
broken fantasies,
mangling pasts
twisting presents
shattering futures,
filtering
reality
through streamers
of incoherence,
barraging with
wisps of fear
whispers of terror
whiskers of hope,
whisked about
as if an egg
in a stainless
steel world,
reality
is a paranoid
delusion,
the spiderweb
of cracks
in a broken mirror,
each one a tendril
of fate
organized
in seemingly
random patterns,
all following
each other
hopelessly
to the beginning
where you end...,
to the end
that is beginning...

It is night...
darkness swathes every limb,
cradles each whisperous breath,
cloaks beneath a velvet blanket
the prying eyes of pasts
long forgotten by humanity...
a creak...a snap...the crunch
of frosted dirt,
dessicated by the freezing chill,
a raged breath
rasping through throats
so ancient even they have forgotten
how long they've drawn sustenance
through the intake of air...
You don't remember them...
but they remember what they are...
why they are here...
their purpose...
to devour,
To take that gleam of life
inside your chest
and snuff it from existence...
to rend your flesh into palatable
pieces, ripe for sucking forth your marrow,
to slake impossible thirsts
with the lifeblood that pulses
so quickly inside your hot veins...
to empty you...of your spirit...
of your soul...of your essence...
smiling all the while...
as I devour you...

Thou ist twisting,
thy body gently swaying
in the breeze,
dangled like a ghastly
christmas ornament,
upon yon yuletime gallows,
thee hast shirked commodity
known as common sense,
placed the noose
upon thy neck,
tied thy own knot around
with blinded eyes,
your guide, sightless
eyes of thine,
ye sought the light
blind, sympathy ye
shan't find,
ye twist and sway,
ye've hanged this day,
yourself and thrice a life,
besmirched now twice divine,
yet ye enjoy,
the swaying lilting twist,
as rope burns and
digs your flesh,
chokes away thy patient breath,
squeezes life from bloodless
lips, flutters eyelids quite sublime,
and yet ye grin and
grin, as if content
to commit thyself
upon the field of bones,
consecrated decision
to justify occurence,
thy life a riddle ye don't want,
seek the sanity once sought,
try to break free of the lie,
but in thy struggle timeless,
all you really do is die.

"Ehh. Poem. "Diligence""
Why should I..?
How could I..?

when did she die...?
when did she decide
it was the best thing
to do...to throw her life
away, like so much refuse,
on someone she had no feelings
for...on someone she didn't
even pretend to want...?
why did she decide...to burn
away her future...
to consign herself to a fate
worse than death, that of
a loveless life...
when did she close her eyes
to the truth, when did she
find her self no longer herself...
when did she realize
she'd been brainwashed...?

When did the girl I loved so much
die...?
why did she cast her life
into the hands of someone else...
and let him kill her...?
why did she accept a fate
she didn't ever want,
even though she had a choice...?
why did she talk herself
into believing her own lies...?
why did she choose the fate
that turned her life into dust,
all for a person she hated...?
why did she decide to
throw her life away...?

and why do I care anymore...?

Hrm. Poem. Written while 99.88888888% unconscious. -_^"
LAST EDITED ON 10-12-00 AT 09:00 AM (GMT)
It spirals
downward,
twisting, turning,
sinking, burning,
crashing, swirling,
lamenting, whirling,
flashing into
eternity,
from this
mere existence,
beyond darkness
beyond lightness,
beyond corporeal
essences,
above simplicity
and complexity,
shattering barriers
never thought about,
hidden ones, invisible ones,
lost, forgotten ones,
mystical ones,
plain and simple ones,
forgotten lores
flame within,
burst forth to nowhere
on a whim
spiraling, twisting
burning, kissing,
a light touch
cold light
cool dark
soft carresses
of infinity,
wrapped inside
the insanity,
laced with proclivities,
desires,
hopes, dreams, broken
hearts,
never find a home,
when the emptiness
inside
can never be filled...
when it reverses itself
and begins to consume
everything...
and it spirals down...
twisting, turning,
sinking, burning,
crashing, swirling,
lamenting, whirling...
into...

The darkness
calls, softly,
seductively,
begging you to
sleep,
whispering
soothing, relaxing
words
in your
mind,
and you let
yourself be
blinded
by love,
by misguided,
misdirected
love wasted,
on the most
precious of
things,
begotten
in a dark
and vile manner,
and the rose colored
glasses you wear,
blind you to reality,
you to the future,
you to the suffering
you will succumb to,
all because...
you were a fool
to take back
the wrongs,
to let the
darkness back
inside,
even though
the love
smolders away,
dying, killed,
murdered,
by your own hand...

you killed my love,
killed for the
chance to make
a grave mistake,
the repercussions
you will feel
for life...
all for what?
all for what...

you left the circle...
you could have
walked away forever...
but you gave in
and let the circle of pain
suck you back in...
and now you know
you face it forever,
for it is too late
to break free...

you've signed away
your life, your future...
all for what...
all for what...?
You're part of the
circle now...
you cannot break free,
bound by a chain of wrongs,
tied to your death,
like I am tied to the other half of my soul...
inexplicable,
inexorable,
inexpiable...

Listen to the whispers,
they call you silently,
breaking tears from your eyes,
sapping your soul away
leaving nothing save
the emptiness of unhappiness,
the cold feeling that you know
you're not needed anymore...
that anything you could've
provided, was forsaken
and replaced by insanity,
you find yourself...limping
through life, unhappy
even though you're where
you want to be,
and you listen to the whispers
that stare you in the face
every day, and you can't
escape the fact...
that you weren't ever needed
that you weren't ever wanted,
that you were merely used
and thrown away...
then picked up again,
to be used again,
to be thrown away again...
you know the circle,
you see it every where
you look...even...
in your own reflection...
and it makes you wonder
why you are who you are,
why you struggle the way you do,
when every one else
just gives in...
and you wonder why
you never thought of that before now...
why not just walk away,
leave this lonely existence,
and find...nothing...
it would be the same
as here, only without
the pain...
so you wonder...