The story starts with the Three Ymirs,
Mr, Mrs and child,
They are all lovely people,
Conservative and not wild.

Once upon a present time,
In the Land of Oz,
The Three Ymirs had gone out,
It was unusual because,
They are not often absent,
They are mostly home,
having a little bundle of joy curtailed,
Their propensity to roam.
But they needed to escape,
And off to make the most,
of a short stay in the sun,
On Queensland's Gold Coast.

But they arrived home soon after,
Tired, unwashed and weary,
But the sight upon their return,
Left them perplexed and teary.
The fromt door had been forced,
Muddy footprints on the floor,
The mud was on the carpet,
The roof, the walls and more.
The fridge was standing open,
Their three pizzas had disappeared,
Beer cans were littered everywhere,
As the shocked Ymirs neared.
Their three chairs had been disturbed,
The smallest of them broken,
The others had been fouled too,
A truer word not spoken.
Then they approached the toilet,
Standing shocked and hushed,
The seat had been left up,
And it was unflushed.
Then they journed up the stairs,
Sleep running through their heads,
Only to find that the intrusion,
Extended to their beds.
Pappa Ymir's bed was strewn,
With chips made of corn,
The cuddly toys on Mumma Ymir's bed,
Were in positions so forlorn.
But the shock of all soon came,
In Baby Ymir's bed,
They expected to find Goldilocks,
But found GoldiBastard instead.
"Hey! Where were you folks?!"
GoldiBastard cried,
"You ran out of chips and beer,
Golly (replace with better word) I almost died!
Well, don't stand there looking at me,
With faces shocked and queer,
Ring up for some pizza,
And go out for more beer."
Pappa Ymir smiled so sweetly,
Wlaking backward through the door,
He returned still smiling sweetly,
With his .44.
GoldiBastard jumped up immediately,
Upset to see the gun,
He said, "C'mon now, Ymir,
I was only having fun!"
Ymir retained his calm demeanour,
And GoldiBastard he did spurn,
He levelled the gun and stated firmly,
"Get beer? It's YOUR turn!"

Insert your favourite Bastard for GoldiBastard.

Cheers from the Land of Oz