To My Son

17/01/2000
Lounging in the back yard
Puffing away on a smoke
Just sitting back
And drinking Jack
Mixed with a dash of Coke

Bringin' a bit of noise to the suburbs
Just wearing Stubbies and thongs (that's shorts and shoes to you non-Aussies ;-)
Got the 6 disk stack
Filled with a rack
Of good old Aussie songs

Hunters and Mentals and Oils (Bands: Hunters & Collectors, Mental as Anything, Midnight Oil)
And others beside
Sitting and drinking
Until I stop thinking
And I find a place to hide

From the memory of you
Accompanied by the pain
'Cause you are gone
And I'm alone
And our home just isn't the same

But whenever I close my eyes
I can see your face
Crystal clear
As if you're here
Not in some other place

So I try not to think of my loss
I play the cordial host
As I learn to cope
All I do is hope
That you know I love you the most.

Crush (TRW 9/3/01)

I know that it's not love
For that it's way too soon
But when I see your smile
It flies me to the moon

The overpowering infatuation
I feel when I look at you
Makes me forget that you have yet
To tell me one word that is true

In your intoxicating presence
My eyes eagerly deceive
The sweet seduction in your lies
I want so badly to believe

I thought I saw in you
A capacity to love and care
Equal to my own
And that is all too rare

But I was obviously wrong
Again I played the fool's part
Instead of listening to reason
I was thinking with my heart

And dreaming a love-struck fantasy
As lonely lovers will
But I know the dream will shatter
Once you've had your fill

And it seems that time has come
As I lay my hope to rest
But that's not necessarily bad
In fact, I feel blessed

For if you were to call
Now that my crush has died
I would not be so hasty
To stand by your side

I would look more closely
At who you are instead
And by a more realistic heart
This time will I be lead

And if it turns out to be love
Then I'll know for sure
That it started with both feet
Planted firmly on the floor

That it's not some passing phase
That flares and then burns out
But was founded in attraction
With a healthy dose of doubt.

Illusion

I believe in the things
That I know are real
Things that I can see and touch
Not the emotions that I feel

Love is a lie created by poets
To keep themselves in work
Heaven for the weak of will
Ignorance's perk

Romance is a fantasy
To be used as a practised tool
By those who can't get laid
Without acting like a fool

Lock down your emotions
Keep them hidden well
Remember when someone offers love
It's lonliness they sell
They preach it like it's magic
But the truth they never tell
You may forget your worries for a while
But in the end it hurts like hell

Love is just a word
For the hope so many seek
A word to tell another
When we feel that we must speak

Some hail it as the salvation
Of the destitute and meek
But it's a corruption of the truth
A bastion for the weak

Love is an illusion
It's all mirrors and smoke
A cruel and malicious deceit
That turns this life into a joke.

Tell Me (TR 25/02/01)

All I ask is sincerity
And a chance to prove
That I mean what I'm saying
And I've got just as much lose

Whatever you offer of yourself
Even if it's your heart on the line
I'm ready and willing to match it
In fact I've already given you mine

I'm down on my knees, I'm praying
That what you're saying to me is true
Can't you hear me begging
Don't let fear get the better of you

I believe you want what I'm offering
But you're afraid of opening your heart
And that alone will end this love
Before it's even had a chance to start

I know where it is you're coming from
You know, I've been hurt as well
But passing up a chance at love
Is my idea of hell

So I get hurt an awful lot
Probably more than I should
But at the end of the day I know
That I did everything I could

Can you see why I can't just let you go
Why I'm willing to put up a fight
Why letting this chance pass us both by
Couldn't possibly be right

If I have got it all wrong
If you care nothing for me
Then please forgive my arrogance
And I will let you be

Otherwise tell me what I can do to prove
That I'm worth the risk you'd take
I'll do anything you want
To prove that I'm no fake

That is all that I can give to you
A chance at love and my heart to break
There's nothing more I can offer
The next move is yours to make

So tell me honestly before I go
Do you want to hold me near?
Or was everything you said a lie?
Or will you just submit to fear?

Tessa Rose (21/02/01)

I'm no good at one night stands
I'm sick of playing games
I'm tired of running scared
And wondering who's to blame

I want someone who'll be my friend
Someone I can trust
But all I ever seem to find
Are women driven by booze and lust

And then you came along
We met in the most unlikely place
But I could not deny the smile
That so lights up your face

You were suspicious of me at first
As I was of you
And when you didn't call
I feared that it was true

That everything you'd told me
Was just some flattering line
Prerehearsed and insincere
Just words to pass the time

But then we met again
And you told me how you felt
To my surprise I dared to believe it
And I thought my heart would melt

So now I sit, listless
On the train that takes me home
Somewhat hopeful that you could be the one
Somewhat scared that you won't phone.

I Stand Alone 19/02/01

I'm sick of all the knock-backs,
The devastation and the lies
My shattered dreams embody
Every thing that I dispise

I no longer have the strength,
The courage or the will
As the faster that I run the more
It seems like I'm standing still

So I will put away my dancing shoes
And dismiss this awesome band
From now I walk this road alone
And alone, forever I will stand

In matters of the heart I've always
Tried to fight the good fight
But I've been kicked in the teeth so often
That you know it isn't right

If I ever met the madman who said
That hope springs eternally
I'd tell him a tale to bring him
Begging to his knees

A bachelor's life is certainly
Not what I had planned
But from now I walk this road alone
And alone forever, I will stand

At last I know I'm defeated
As I stare at this empty cup
I've fallen once too often
And I cannot seem to get back up

So feel free to laugh at me
Or point at me and stare
You'll get no reaction here
I simply no longer care

Once I thought I always would
Offer my heart and hand
But from now I walk this road alone
And alone, I ever will stand

Untitled

Dressed to the nines
In my top hat and tails
Going out for good times
Not just a bed of nails

So keep it in your pants
As I turn up the charm
But can I have this dance?
Can I hold you in my arms?

It's too hard to tell
As I cruise this scene
Is this heaven or hell
Or is it just a dream?

So where would you go
To meet Miss Right?
To take things slow
To have more than just one night

I'll take the good with the bad
I'll take a little pain
And when I'm feeling sad
You can lift me up again

If you want what I've got
I'm gonna raise the stakes
Can you go the distance?
Have you got what it takes?

Will you go out on a limb
And offer me your heart?
It's something I need to know
Before we can start

This bed may be empty
But this much I know
It will be ten times worse
If you stay, only to go.

Emotional Suicide

Your lonliness is obvious
In the wasted tears that you cry
For a long forgotten lover
From years gone by

You lie to yourself
You dream and you pretend
That one day it will all be over
That your misery will end

Yet you cannot help yourself
You relive all the pain
And the scars on your broken heart
Are driving you insane

You don't learn from your mistakes
There's no one else to blame
Each time you pray for better
But it all turns out the same

Another lover leaves you
The same worn out routine
Another scar is all you get
For trying to live the dream

You know that it's no good for you
Yet you cannot run and hide
Some day it will get ahead of you
It's emotional suicide

Your persistance would be admirable
If it wasn't all in vain
But you're just blind and stubborn
A glutton for all this pain

You lie awake at night
You cry yourself to sleep
Because you cannot show the world
Those scars that run so deep

You put on such a front
You're all smiles in the public eye
Hoping to convince yourself
That it isn't all a lie

But hope is hardest to retain
After everything you've tried
It seems the only way out of this
Is emotional suicide.

Volatile

You want something from me?
Come back another time
I'm mad as hell can't you see?
So get your face out of mine

I don't want to hear
Whatever you've got to say
I won't shed a tear
Won't you just go away

I heard you want a fight
You're a real tough dude
But you're going down tonight
'Cause now I'm in the mood

Adrenaline's pumping
Anger runs free
Let me tell you something
You'd better let me be
I won't be misconstrued
See right through my smile
You know I'm in the mood
You know I'm volatile!

If you like your face
The way it is
Give me some space
Do you get my gist?

If you feel lucky today
Then go on and try
If it isn't your day
Then you're gonna die

You know you've got
An ugly attitude
But don't think you're hot
'Cause now I'm in the mood!

Adrenaline's pumping
Anger runs free
Let me tell you something
You'd better let me be
I won't be misconstrued
See right through my smile
You know I'm in the mood
You know I'm volatile!

Just back down bud
And you'll be fine
'Cause there's gonna be blood
And it won't be mine

Don't think you're right
Don't get in my way
'Cause then we'll fight
And then you'll pay

You talk too tough
And you're just being rude
I think you've said enough
'Cause now I'm in the mood!

Adrenaline's pumping
Anger runs free
Let me tell you something
You'd better let me be
I won't be misconstrued
See right through my smile
You know I'm in the mood
You know I'm volatile!

Thank You And Goodnight

So unsure of what I know
I'm too afraid to sing
These verses I write to describe
The hopes to which I cling

So eager am I to hear your voice
Your silence fills me with doubt
Now that I've fallen so far for you
I cannot find my way back out

So once again I take the fall
I take it on the chin
What they say about nice guys is true
You know we never win

I cannot blame you for my foolish thoughts
Just because I wasn't right
In hoping that we could have had more
Than lust in the heat of the night

The memory of what we had
The thought of what might be
Masked so well the bitterness
Of the truth I couldn't see

When I was alone the dream of you
Restored my faith and hope
My only defence against lonliness
Though unaware, you helped me cope

For that I'd like to thank you
And make sure you realise
How good it felt to see the love I saw
When I looked into your eyes

However my vision must have been impared
Though I thought that's what I saw
It must have been just that dream
Of which I spoke before

Now your apathy towards my presence
Has shown me what is real
Your silence tells me more than words
Exactly how you feel

Regretfully I must leave once more
With a heavy, wounded heart
There is little joy behind my smile
This time as I depart

Now all I have to offer you
As I say this last goodbye
Are my apologies and my gratitude
And a teary sigh.

Sweet Dreams

When I look into your eyes
Everything I see
Says that the way I feel about you
Is how you feel about me

I want to call it love
But I'm not sure if that's right
Just be assured you're not out of mind
Even though you're out of sight

I ask myself what we've got
And this is all I know
It's just too easy to hold you close
And too damn hard to let you go

When I recover from your caress
And its sweet temptation
I can see that my kiss
Leaves you with a similar sensation

While I may have fallen for you
And your subtle charms
I see the way you look at me
When I hold you in my arms

I see my desire to be close
Reflected in your stare
I see a passion so urgent that
It's almost more than we can bare

Words cannot describe
The feelings in my heart
Whenever I hold you close
Or the regret when we must part

I don't know how you did this to me
What you did or what you said
But I can no longer lie down at night
Without wishing you shared my bed

Yet you seem so far away
That all that I can do
Is remember our time together
Then sleep, and dream of you.

A Single Rose

I've made a few modifications to it and added a stanza, but essentially, it's the same poem. Enjoy. Oh, btw, I gave the inspiration for this one a rose last night (she still hasn't seen the poem though).

A single rose
To show I care
By way of thanks
For time we share

A single rose
Proof of the dream
So that you'll believe
What your eyes have seen

A single rose
A symbol and
A heart-felt gift
From a humble man

A single rose
With no regret
A reminder so
You don't forget

A single rose
Such silent charm
Like waking up
With you in my arms

A single rose
Beauty so true
But a fairer vision
Is one of you

A single rose
For memory's sake
Because I can't be there
When you wake

A single rose
Though I must take flight
Here's a single rose
To mark the night

The Last Love Song

If it will convince you that I love you
I can spout clichè
I can compare your smile to blue sky
On a cloudy day
I can tell you how your beautiful eyes
Captivate my stare
I can explain how much it hurts me
Whenever you're not there

But whatever I may tell you
Don't believe it's true
If you cannot see it in my eyes
Whenever I look at you
If my actions don't describe it
If it's not written on my face
Then don't believe a word I say
Put me in my place

Because you deserve to be adored
For being who you are
Not just some fool who says
Your eyes are like the stars
If flattery is what you want
I'll give you all you could hope for
Just don't settle for my words alone
You deserve so much more

Whatever I may tell you
Don't believe it's true
If you cannot see it in my eyes
Whenever I look at you
If my actions don't describe it
If it's not written on my face
Then don't believe a word I say
Put me in my place

Just because I say you're beautiful
It's not necessarily a lie
But I know what to say to make you think
I'll never say goodbye
I'll tell you "you mean the world to me"
I'll say "I love you"
If you can see it in my face and deeds
Then you can bet your heart it's true

But whatever I may tell you
Don't believe it's true
If you cannot see it in my eyes
Whenever I look at you
If my actions don't describe it
If it's not written on my face
Then don't believe a word I say
Put me in my place

What I say is important
But more so is what I do
For this is where you'll truly see
Just how I feel about you
Watch my eyes light up when you arrive
And as you leave, watch them fade
Let every expression and gesture
Be my serenade.

Falling

More a collection of words than a poem, but it's something that I can't conform to a style. I think it speaks for itself.
 And I feel myself
Falling
Back to that place
Where nothing matters
And down that hole
Where no one matters
Not even I
And I don't care.

But I don't want to fall
I've been there before
And I know it's so hard
Too hard
To climb out of that hole
But I'm trapped
My back's against the wall
And the only way out
Is down.

I guess I could stay
Right where I am
But if I do that
I won't get anywhere
And I can't help but feel
That there's more out there
More for me to see
More for me to be
But I'm trapped
With my back against the wall.

I just want to put
My head down and run
Anything, just to be moving
But what would I leave behind?
And I know if I move, I'll fall
And I won't get back up
But if I'm going nowhere anyway
Does it matter?
And how do you choose
Between a woman you can't live with
And a child you can't live without?

And would I be doing him any favours
By staying?
Or by going?
All about me the ground drops away
Wherever I turn
There is nothing
And if I ever find
The courage to move
I'll fall.

Summer

The season to be silly
And your health neglect
Or simply take the time
To sit back and reflect

On the year that has passed by
On the year yet to come
On achievements that were made
On tasks not yet begun

A time for air conditioned comfort
Depending on your clime
or to be out of doors
And by the pool or surf recline

A time when life surrounds you
And permeates your soul
Dismissing the lethargic apathy
That is the winter's toll

But still we must work
And when realities intrude
A glance at the window is all it takes
To feel once more renewed.

My mother was overprotective
As mothers are wont to be
I don't fault her for an instant
Just because she loved me
My father was a strict man
He taught me wrong from right
He would tolerate no trouble
Thus I had not the courage to fight
Parents and teachers try to help
But there's only so much they can do
They cannot influence what happens
At the bus stop when there's two
As a kid I was a cry-baby
I'm neither proud nor ashamed to say
Between that and a name like "Stacy"
The bullies found me easy prey
I knew what would happen
Each day as I left my home
No matter who tried to help me
When I got off that bus I was on my own
I hoped and begged for mercy
Neither of which I found
I had not the courage within
To fight back or stand my ground
Such paralysing fear
Such uncontrolable dread
Often had me thinking
That I would rather be dead
That part of my life is over
I must now see what I can learn
For the roles are now reversed
To be the parent, it's now my turn
I will do everything in my power
I will stop the setting of the sun
To prevent my son bullying others
And be sure he's bullied by none
Looking back at my younger days
I see now the cause of my defeat
So I'll teach my son the confidence
To stand on his own two feet
The cause of so much pain
The truth to why I cried
The reason that I never won
Is because I never tried.

ANZAC Day

War is a terrible thing
There must be a better way
Do we need to orphan children
And widow wives every day?
Throughout history we've tried so hard
To spill our neighbour's blood
To taint each hill and street and beach
With that morbid red flood
But there are times, I'll admit
When needs must send us to war
Then, I salute the courage of those
Who go knocking on death's door
There shall be a service for them
On the morrow at dawn
To celebrate their valiant sacrifice
To remember and to mourn
My knowledge of history is limited
But I know of the attack
The Australia New Zealand Army Corps
The men and women of ANZAC
They fought and died for our way of life
This much is known to me
So I shed a tear and spare a thought
And I remember Gallipolli.

Lest we forget.

Bubonic, wise enough to be greatful that he's too young to remember.

There's nothing I can tell you
That you haven't heard before
But you didn't learn the first time
No, instead you came back for more
Did you forget about the diapers
And sleepless, midnight feeds
The tear that wells in your eye
When you can't discern their needs
When that long, earnest cry
Wrenches at your heart
And the pain of going to work
Each day tears you apart
There's no excuse you can offer
That won't sound extremely lame
For you I have no sympathy
You have only yourself to blame
Of course, I'm only kidding
Please forgive my little jest
To all of house Ymir
I wish all the very best!
All jokes aside, hugs and kisses
And congratulations all around
I celebrate with you this chance
To build on the love you've already found.

Woohoo! Another pure-bred villager in the making!

I rock up to work
at 9:30 every day
And (if I'm not harrassed by my colleagues)
I start it in the same way
I boot up my computer
And my password I type in
Then prepare my morning beverage
You may think it is a sin
I partake not of coffee
Caffine is not for me
Coffee gives me a headache
Though, occasionally I'll have tea
Instead from my desk I take
My mug, and water bottle too
I empty the contents from them
And fill them with water that is new
I return then to my desk
From the drawers of which I take
A soluable little tablet
For my good health's sake
I drop it in the mug
As it desolves it begins to hiss
It supplements your diet
And colourises your piss
This magic little drink
"Berocca" it is called
Defends against most illnesses
Such as the common cold
It is filled with lots of vitamins
Especially vitamin "B"
But it also contains others
and a thousand milligrams of "C"
So that is what I do first
When at work I arrive
It is vitamins not caffine
That makes me feel alive.
Bubonic, not a health-freak. Honest.

Life in the 90's

Come, my friends and listen
As this, to you I preach
Look past your triumphant delusion
Then the same conclusion
I am confident you'll reach.

For years now you have wanted
To be treated equally to men
For ages you have tried
You've begged and you have cried
Then pleaded once again

For hours countless I ponder
And I cannot contain my sighs
I ask still, though I strain
What is there to gain
By lowering yourselves in our eyes

I don't mean hours of work and pay
That should've been equal from the start
I speak, you see
Of courtesy
And matters of the heart

Each woman is worthy and beautiful
As the eyes of some man will see
For the secret to this
Everlasting bliss
In the eye of the beholder, be

We'd raise you on a pedestal
And your honour we'd defend
But alas, you refuse
To allow us to muse
And to your every whim attend

Glares I get when I open doors
Not the thanks that you'd expect
For you seem to believe
This menial reprieve
Will rob you of respect

We mean only to spare you these tasks
When I hold chairs, it is the same
The anger you assert
Would assuredly hurt
Every man worthy of the name

For I was raised to be true and polite
To women at every turn
To give heart and soul
Though young or old
And ask only for love in return

Times have changed and so, perhaps
My views are too idealistic
I must admit
As here I sit
Maybe it's unrealistic

I've said my piece and thus
Surely you now must see
That the Women's Liberation
Which lays claim to your salvation
Was the death of chivalry

Let me know what you think.
Please.