Unwashed Beverage, Anyone?

The Unwashed are a varied group,
Their tastes are all perfected,
But I surveyed them on their liquid preferences,
And here's what they selected:                                                    

Wraith responded with Hill's Brother's Columbian,
Night Owl chipped in with a hoot,
That he liked a good, strong Columbian,
Mind you, nothing cute.
Dan Wood identified black French roast,
As long as it's armour thick,
Doom wanted Iced Mocha Frappuccino,
To go with the Pointy Stick.                                                    

Amish Commando caused me concern,
With his choice of brew,
It's supposed to be really good,
If it doesn't kill you.
You get a big styrofoam cup,
Then with teaspoons numbering eight,
You ladle in the coffee grounds,
Sounds good - I can't wait!
Then you add eight chocolate scoops,
You it will awake,
That or admit you to hospital,
Then your heart they'll take.                                                    

Mech chipped in with bottled Frappuccino,
(Doom likes that one too.)
Linus nominated Jolt as one,
Or a Mountain Dew.
Yauser Boss didn't want coffee at all,
One of a small group,
The Enlightened One is yet another,
Preferring Campbell's Tomato Soup!                                                    

Why this morbid beverage fascination,
With our humble tribe?
What use could this information be,
To a humble scribe?
Well, those that identified coffee,
And a particular brand,
Shows that they have a direction in life,
And that it's close at hand.
Amish worried me with his recipe,
But I think it is befitting,
That you can get all the food groups conveniently,
In one drink at one sitting.
Those that didn't want any coffee,
Their point made with noise,
Showed that they can think independently,
To exercise their right of choice.
Enlightened One at first through me,
He's outside the neighbourhood,
But then I realised he follows things hearty,
Things wholesome and  good.                                                    

Cheers from the Land of Oz