Tears

Yes i'm writing this from the computer lab                     

at the collage, my classes are over i just                     

need to wait another hour and a half for                     

my ride to get here ...    

Tears                       

I feel cold inside, 
I want to feel but I just can't seem to, 
I should be crying, 
But all I have is alligator tears, 
The ones in my heart, 
They don't seem to exist,                       

All of my life has been more of the same, 
Year after year, 
Day after day, 
Everything stays the same,                       

I don't know how much more I can take, 
Things are so dark now, 
My visions are gone, 
Leave only the cold light of day,                       

No more bright colors I see, 
For today I feared life, 
More than I feared death,                       

Hope can be a terrible thing, 
To wait so long for nothing, 
Yet just a little leaks through, 
It keeps you alive so it never ends,                       

I don't know what to do, 
These poems used to purge me, 
Of the things I no longer wanted in me, 
Yet today, 
Like many of recent, 
Held nothing new for me, 
A few weeks before a celebrate, 
Yet another birthday this one being, 
Nineteen,                       

But I have to say, 
It's an empty party, 
No one will be there but me, 
Nineteen years of life with no change, 
Only the dieing of hope, 
Day by day,                       

You always can say, 
"It can't get any worse", 
But that helps none, 
When it never gets better,                       

I'm just this side of commited, 
Crazy enough to be locked up, 
Sane enough to not be noticed yet, 
But the day is coming, 
Something must happen to break this veil of death, 
I don't know what yet, 
But my end or my beginning is coming soon, 
If not one then the other, 
For I can't hold out any longer                       

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Yeah i know it's depressing, but it's like                     

therapy for me, so other than that                     

what do you think ?