"this is what they gave me"

Maybe a little on the (ya right) literal side for me. ;) *HUGS* Thanks for reading.
"this is what they gave me"

a broken hand
and a bruised heart
some torn skin
and me torn apart
a hatred of mouths
inability to lie
disgust for myself
unable to cry
nightmares in the dark
illness in a head
misery in secret
and innocence dead

(this is what they gave me)

a secret shame unto myself
shift the blame unto myself
call the names unto myself
inflict the pains unto myself
unable to maintain--myself
unable to regain--myself

[this is what i'm left with]

a body that shakes when there should be tears
a mind that draws constant the same old fears
a memory, a reminder that never disappears

(this is what they gave me)

a reason to hate myself further, a fast track to a slow decay, a reason to be ashamed, a rationalization of this pain, a reason to make myself sick with the thought of names and faces and places and words so wicked so vile so unashamed in their corruption, a hatred of mouths tongues teeth saliva lips mouths... & am i off the edge of sanity again?

[this is what i live with]

(and this is what they gave me.)

you might never believe the power in knowing
you can hurt you worse than anyone else
you can be more disgusting
you can be more terrifying
you can be more crude and you can be more painful
than anyone else
until that is all you have to cling to
.. when all the safety in the world
is only what you've created in your own head
only what you've created with your own hands
then you can know the true hatred
the true hatred of self
.. only in that blindness can you understand that sight.

{this is what i'm left with

and this is what they gave me.}