The apartment was brilliantly pristine,
Not a dust mite to be found,
Until the Poetry Bastards moved in,
Parties would soon abound.
Night Owl commandeered the cellar,
Making an improvement or two,
He needed lots of coll, dark space,
For his nuclear home brew.
AriaMech lended much needed sanity,
She was oh so stable,
Until she had a few Bastard Beers,
And began dancing on the table.
Dan lended us his worldly self,
And his culinary skill,
he could pour pretzels into a bowl,
And his French Fries could kill!
Doom loved to visit often also,
With her wit and charm,
She contributed to many spirited discussions,
Pointy Stick under her arm.
Lerk couldn't partake in any alcohol,
he often fell asleep instead,
We just got a floral lampshade out,
And put it on his head.
ShadowDancer was a party favourite,
Waxing lyrical with exquisite verse,
His poetic creations astounded all,
From topics banal to perverse.
Buffy was frequently on hand too,
Not drinking - too young I fear,
But if the party started dying down,
She's give an encouraging cheer.
But the time arrived for the big clean up,
Sad faces worn by all,
It looked like some circus scene,
perhaps an elephant's stall.
There were stains on just about everything,
Nothing had been spared,
No-one had bothered to clean up,
Or rather, no-one dared.
It was thought a badger was in the fridge,
It would provide a difficult grapple,
But it was really quite harmless,
An old and mouldy apple.
But the task proved far too difficult,
In the walls we were hemmed,
So, we just ran screaming from the place,
And it was condemned.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I come to you with hat in hand,
I've been really bad,
I have not been active for a week,
I know it's really sad.
But my life is now different,
Full of stress and strife,
These are the dangerous times,
For working is my wife.
So, I'm at home with Sophie,
I'm on lots of leave,
I have the housework to do,
And jobs you won't believe.
There's sterilising the bottles many,
Then filling them with milk,
There's changing poopy nappies,
And stuff of that ilk.
There's doing many loads of washing,
Then bringing the same in,
There's getting breakfast and lunch,
I have no time for sin.
But alas, I have discovered much,
Little ones to entertain,
I have found a way to use the PC,
It really hurt my brain.
I cordoned off the PC area,
Crawlers can't get out,
I brought in lots of tous,
I go until she shouts.
So, I feel I have overcome my problem,
I won't be so slack,
I'll get back to Unwashed business,
I'm just gald to be back.
I saw the cucumbers vs beer thing,
With no comment at all,
But I don't think cucumbers go well with,
Friday Night Football.
I've seen many types of analysis,
Conclusions I will not draw,
But when you do an analysis look,
At letters one through four.
Confused? I mean the word analysis,
I think they can be misleading,
it's the first four letters of the word,
That you should be reading.
I also saw Night Owl,
Having a go at a teacher,
I'll let that one lie too,
I won't be a poetic preacher.
There was also a period there,
Where I couldn't get the board,
I thought that something sinister,
Had happened to this hoard.
But, I'm pleased to say this,
The board has evolved well,
It's just so much better,
May the old one burn in hell.
Congrats to those responsible,
I think Doom and others,
Whoever worked so hard and well,
Right on, sisters and brothers!
So, in short, I'm so glad,
To have overcome my Boggle,
I've lamented my absence from the board,
And the messages to oggle.
Good job, all, in the last week,
The work is attractive,
You must have been on steroids,
You've all been so active!
(try catching up on all those messages!)
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I gazed upon the included photo,
With much amazement,
The thing that you are holding there,
Is the subject of my derangement.
I am fiercely proud of my job,
Part-time keeper of The Stick,
Then I see inside your hands,
Something that's a trick.
Fir it resembles The Pointy Stick,
This I say to thee,
Except for one deadly prong,
This mother has got three!
What joy! What bliss! What a find!
Don't let that thing slip,
It's a wonderfully defined case,
Of Two Pronged Upmanship.
Nice job, Doom. Lerk, make sure you towel off before you come into the house, or your wife will be very cross :(.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I care greatly for cats and kittens,
There are wonderful beasts,
Stuffed and rolled in garlic butter,
The compliment your feasts.
Sweet and sour or black bean sauce,
Or on the barbeque,
Covered in a crispy beer batter,
Only the best will do.
So, my friend I'll order one,
Money's no object, coz,
I love imported types of meat,
Just send one out to Oz.
From the Bastards Legal Department:
the Poetry Bastards is an animal loving group.
In no way do ther dine on cats.
Cats are much too short. We use tables. ;)
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I read your lengthy treatise,
And enjoyed it with great relish,
It had everything anyone could want,
With some imagery to relish.
I had some favourite parts though,
As is wont of a Bard,
There were mentions to food and beer,
And a slippery BASTARD!
Seriously, though, you've done well,
You've unearthed a sparkling treasure,
Any old gems you should post,
For our reading pleasure.
One thing that I have thought now,
And you really should know,
You haven't become a bastard recently,
You were one long ago.
:) Great job.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
Welcome, Ice, to our group,
The best there's ever been,
We are a wonderful, creative collective,
As you may have seen.
From people who post intersesting stuff,
To people with their sites,
Visiting here will take up your days,
And a good part of your nights.
Don't be afraid to post your thoughts,
Observations or ideas,
The diversity of this group will mean that,
You're always among your peers.
Just one thing that you weren't told,
It shouldn't make you sick,
You need to be annointed by,
Doom and The Pointy Stick.
So take some well intended advice,
It is quality assured,
Go to your local health company,
And get yourself insured.
:) Welcome to the Unwashed.
May your stay with us be both satisfying and enjoyable.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I looked upon your wasting self,
And I admit I was stunned,
You are rapidly disappearing,
Stop or ye shall be shunned.
For, if you keep going onwards,
Along your charted course,
People will not talk to you,
It's be like chatting with a corpse ;).
You're like that poor unfortunate,
A new age type of sinner,
Who hit the old gypsy lady,
in Stephen King's "Thinner".
Or perhaps you've read Alice in Wonderland,
And like that strange meal,
The more you eat the hungirier you get,
You weight it starts to steal.
Or perhaps you have a tapeworm,
Laying in your intestine,
I wish I had one for a month or so,
That would do just fine.
For you have inspired me Lerk,
To lose my excess pounds,
However, I could not emulate your sucess,
You're ahead of me by bounds.
So, congratulations on your loss,
It sounds sorta strange,
No doubt you'll soon be a supermodel,
I'll see what I can arrange.
Just one last thing before I end,
A complimet of sorts from me,
By your picture it seems to all,
You're half the man you used to be!
Fantastic job, Lerk.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
I have but one qualm with the shirts,
It's cause a stroke, well, nearly,
Why do these shirt have washing instructions?
That strikes me as silly.
If they are Unwashed t shirts,
What does this really mean?
Provide me with some guidance here,
For the answer I'm keen.
Does it mean that they're Unwashed?
Wash them before you wear?
Or does it mean they should remain smelly?
Is that really fair?
On a personal level though,
The shirts are really cool,
They cause the kids I teach to,
Lust after them and drool.
Little old ladies just stop and stare,
Upon my shirt they gaze,
It reminds them of their childhood,
In the "good old days".
For back then there were no gadgets,
Electricity was a dream,
the best scientists had not imagined,
The automatic washing machine.
So, washing was done less often,
And often then by hand,
The clothes suffered just a little,
I'm sure you understand.
I have strayed from my topic,
As I'm prone to do,
One last thing before I go,
BlueCross we all thank you.
For you sweat, tears and blood,
Well, at leat your time,
The Unwashed are now fashion gurus,
But that opinion's mine.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
Welcome to our noble group,
You'll find us really nice,
We are the gaming answer to,
Those Bristich Girls of Spice.
You've been answered by my colleagues,
On your electronic quest,
About rank and title and other stuff,
Their advice has been the best.
Just do what comes naturally,
Contribute what you may,
We'll be interested in your contributions,
So you can have your say.
Night Owl mentioned the Poetry Bastards,
I had to say hello,
I'm one of that mentioned group,
We're really nice - ya know?
Just one little things remains,
An Unwashed type of trick,
Doom will have to annoint you,
With The Pointy Stick!
Cheers from the Land of Oz
We have really been quite priveleged,
To see the developments of late,
With the technological advancements,
Our life is truly great.
But what if you were a child of the eighties,
1880 I mean,
The things that you would have experienced,
The wonderous sights you'd've seen.
Such as the development of transport,
Henry Ford's production line,
He revolutionised industry thinking,
His processes really fine.
Then there was Alexander Bell,
And his telephone,
Along came more refinements still,
How the network's grown.
Marie Curie was another such sort,
One of the finest ever been,
She revolutionised the science of healing,
Her methods so incredibly keen.
Then there was Albert Einstein,
He thought what no others dared,
Science is still grappling with,
E=mc squared.
Thomas Edison was a work-a-holic,
A regular busy bee (Hi Killer Bee!),
He invented stuff like the light bulb,
Taking advantage of electricity.
Another revolutionary invention was,
That of the bra,
It emanciapted women globally,
Advancing equity far.
Back to the thought of transport,
Bring it back to your sight,
Think of the pioneering spirit,
Of the brothers Wright.
Then there was the harnessing of steam,
For the surging ships,
Nuclear power was also harnessed,
For even mundane trips.
Navies of the world went nuclear,
That mighn't have been so great,
But it advanced science's thinking,
That I appreciate.
Think also of the changes in medicine,
Microsurgery and transplants,
Cosmetic work, liposuction, grafting,
Even skin from plants!
We have also had some excellent leaders,
Martin Luther King,
Gorbacev and so on,
They have done their thing.
Art has also been advanced,
Impressionism and,
Cubism, realism, existentialism,
Are names that come to hand.
Through all of this though a constant,
Observing this wondrous work,
Has been something in the background,
Isn't that right, Lerk? :)
In eight hours I'll be on the road home.
Five after that I'll be home.
I've had enough of this intellectual shit.
Cheers from the Land of Oz