The Bastards had a fierce hankering,
Bringing them to their knees,
For something of an oriental nature,
How 'bout some REAL Chinese?
So, they loaded up the '57,
That would be a Chevy of course,
And headed out to find some food,
Screaming poetry 'till they were hoarse.
They found a little place in Chinatown,
"Authentic Rural Dishes",
With beers both foreign and domestic,
It seemed to meet their wishes.
The menu was a study in heiroglyphics,
B.C. left his glasses at home,
No-one could read the menu anyway,
So they let their senses roam,
And trusted the power of the Force,
The one that Bastards use,
It seems to stand them in good stead,
But others it would confuse.
Between mutterings and some pointing,
Swilling beer and the odd water (some Bastards are minors),
The Bastards managed between all this,
To place a truly impressive order.
Then, talk turned to things poetic,
Debate getting rather heated,
About why haikus are just rubbish,
The words cannot be repeated.
The ale flowed like a waterfall,
The Bastards loving every minute,
The ambience was all powerful,
They were absorbed in it.
The food arrived to much rejoicing,
The Bastards diving in,
The waiter gave a subtle smile,
An almost demonic grin.
Night Owl gave the first indication,
That something may be wrong,
For in his dish of questionable origin,
He found a piece of thong.
Lerk, being the cultured one,
Ordered some rare snails,
Only to find in his garnish,
Were some finger nails.
SIE was soon perturbed,
Letting out a startled holler,
For he had discovered an intact,
Red coloured dog collar.
Alderach frowned and then turned green,
Set to instantly hurl,
For in his he found a hair,
That possessed a curl ......
But BC had the most concern,
Following other's frightened calls,
His dish was one of beef,
And in the shape of balls .....
The waiter came forth to explain,
With some florrid haste,
That this was a provincial restaurant,
Where nothing goes to waste.
All parts were used in cooking,
Be them human or be they beast,
So, the Bastards contained their anger -
They had good ale, at least.
So, beware the provincial establishments,
And if you cannot pass,
Go inside, by all means,
But take a magnifying glass.