anyway

If you don’t ask, I won’t tell

Yeah, well how do I say all those things you already know?
And how do I explain to you these things that you don’t want to hear?

If you’re but one and I’m but two…
How can you ever understand?

Maybe it’s better off that you’re all alone.
Not cared for and unloved.
Maybe it’s better that you stay in the dark.

All those private conferences I held in my head
With those feelings unmuttered…
All those feelings would have stayed dead (like me).

But then I saw you and all those thoughts turned to mush.

I realize now that you were a helpful poison.
And I also realize that now: “you would never want to hurt me”.
It’s too bad I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.

You

I’m a monster!
And you say she is too.
You don’t know the half of it.

I can see your papers turning to ash.
And I can see your new black dots which were already there.

Now that I’m awake I can see too much.
And that: “too much” is not enough to keep me here.

Total ambivalence.
You disgust me, and you revolt me.
You attract me, and you control me.

If I knew how to run, I would.

But you have me pleasantly locked {in your fatal charm}.

If I knew how to scream, I would.

My disappointment inside never lets me down.

Accept dichotomy

So if we’re such monsters plagued by individualism.
Cure us.

Help us understand why you can be the saviour of the whole goddamned planet, when all we want is a storyteller.

I’ve tried hanging in your shadows, because they are the lightest part of you.
I thought I could understand you, and become like you.
I guess you thought you could do the same.

Don’t assume anything.

You created your own reality, and you’ve stolen mine too.
But how’s it going to help you if I’m not around anymore?

And what about the people who say: “you have too much going for you”.
Where is all that stuff?
Did I lose it all when I lost you?

You’d think I couldn’t do it.
It wouldn’t take much.
Why would anyone cry?
It’s a rapturous slice…in my opinion.