Hopefully some of you were big enough Arsenio Hall fans to get that subject line hehe.

Hopefully some of you were big enough Arsenio Hall fans to get that subject line hehe.
Anyway -

Tightrope

I stand here staring down,
The task before me seems insurmountable.

You urge me to move,
and my foot slides nervously forward.

It finds the end of contentment,
and the beginning of fear.

I hold my arms out,
trying to balance.

A thousand choices rush through me,
most trying to distract me.

Seeking to dislodge me,
from my narrow path.

I inch forward concentrating,
what you’ve taught me keeps me moving.

Then it happens,
a mistake and I stumble.

I seek my balance again,
but failing I fall.

Even as the ground rushes towards me,
I only fear your condemnation.

But just before I land,
you move forward to catch me.

Looking at me with love,
not a scowl of anger.

And you say, “Try again.”

but then again no one cares
people with their cults and hating stares
With their pain and fears
With mass murders and tears
so i think to my self in dread
how they all are already dead
so the truth is no matter how much you scream and yell
you'll never escape you own hell
-laura

this is truly great. i didnt know she had a dark side.

Thoughts running through my head.
about the living, and yes, about the dead.
Thoughts as I lay awake at night,
about this world, and it's current plight.
Thoughts, about how things are,
And how they'll look, in the future so far.
Thoughts, as I read a book,
Do I really care? or don't I give a

Damn.

This would obviously work much better spoken, but that would require effort.
If it were to be performed ever, it would be ideal to have the parts played by an old man and a preteen type person.



'Hayskamp Aymbushed'
'Clockturn bedwise.' He says to me.
'Thinkback risewise,' The man goes on.
'Long time sky flies.' I try to hear
'heavenspecks demise n rise' words not just noises.
'A speck on a speck orbiting speck' meaning eludes me.
crazy old man. 'benighted juvenessence'

The soul burning brightly makes the inaudible sound of existence,
The sound, inaudible is like describing sound to those who are deaf,
as is describing sight to one whom has never seen,
we may never hear or see that which is eternal,
But it still is there.

I have been smitten by a Spider,
My heart has been carried away,
And I constantly long to be beside her.
I lose track of time as it flies away.

She makes my head feel light as a feather
And my soul sings a song long forgotten.
There is an intensity when we are together
That makes me think of her, oh so often.

We find ourselves near addicted
As we crave the times we share.
People stare at me as if I'm afflicted
But I worry not because of the feelings we share.

Damien Ilmonen
August 27, 1999

(This is the reason I'm no longer online as much. You guys have met your match and she is gorgeous.)
Yes, I've fallen in love and I don't want to get up. 

if i could decide for me
what an animal to be

assuming that an evil caster

casts a magic force formation
that implements the transformation

i wouldn't choose to be a mouse

i wouldnt be a blackbear, pawing
nor a camel, gnawing

but imagine me being a cat

a graceful feline
that would be fine

Why does the Fire Burn,
When and why does the wheel turn,
What has the Light yet to learn,
For what does the dark Wane,
whom would wish for pain,
How does life exist withen such a din,
Modern times,Ancient troubles,
all that exists, springs from something else,
If nothing has existed before how could it now?
Why must one wonder such impossible musings,
when they will never get there answer... 

Bleak colorlessness,Blacknd earth,
Rageing Fires,souless plains,
The darkness of destruction,the never ending struggle,
Creation thwarted,Progress reverted,But why?
Because all things come to an end,and all things renew,
Light overcomes darkness,Winds die back down,
Mellow shades of green come,banishing the bleak colorlessness,
fire are qewenched,progress comes again,but why?
Because destruction creates the desire to create...
Just as spring comes after winter,
And the sun rises on the darkest nights.
People may destroy,But sometimes still create,
Something true of nature as well.

the palm of my hands
is where it lands
your money, your rings
and other bling-blings
i dont do it for fun
or because i can
i am a thug
now give me a hug

Its your purpose
you can't deny
It doesn't matter
if you scream or cry
Now get on your knees
work it hard
In this cruel world
it is your part
To sweep the room
There stands the broom 

We have a new member,
and he is not very nice,
He uses an avatar that needs to be damned thrice,
Hopefully he will grow up,or shutup,or do something about his attitude,
And then a member he will be true.

Hey
Im new to this forum so i thought id post my poem ( why not?)

The Meeting

Don't be late for the meeting
Arrangements have been made with the seating
You want to be late, because they are always a bore
But this is the one you can't be late for
This is the one where it all ends
At which time it all depends
It can not be cancelled or put aside
The date and time, you cannot decide
Nor can you change the seating plan
Not in this meeting with the tall dark man
You haven't met anyone like this since your birth
This is the man that will wipe you from earth
This is isn't a meeting where you just get fired it goes much deeper
This is the last meeting you will ever have, the meeting with the grim reaper

My heart
you shredded,torn,clawed
to pieces
but still i can't stop loving

My dreams
you mashed,twisted,mutilated
to worse
but still i can't stop dream

My hope
you destroyed,negated,stopped dead
in its tracks
but still i can't stop hoping

My whole mind and body
tremble at the very thought of you
you define me
you deny me

but still i cant decide

Moonshine dancing bright
On lovers melted as one
O' vision, my dream


Kindred spirits bond
Closing a circle of love
Forever.......lasting


lips glide ever soft
tasting sweetness of velvet
release...oh, deep joy

Wrote these...I guess as an exploration of what's changed around me since the relationship ended. Got three done, then inspiration left me.

Wrote these...I guess as an exploration of what's changed around me since the relationship ended. Got three done, then inspiration left me.
The Dresser
It bore your brush
It held your clothes
It hid your bras and panties
You've not been here
Not even near
The dresser now sits empty

The Bed
The sheets are yours
The pillows mine
The quilt was ours together
But something's wrong
With you now gone
The bed holds two now never

The Bookshelves
Our books were mixed
Our tastes entwined
Genres clashing on shelves
Your books vacated
The war abated
My books sit now by themselves

Everyone has their loves, their losses, their bittersweet fossils
Canonized in the heart as they're buried in the mind
Waiting to be dug up, to kindle the fires of their next folly
So that one day it wouldn't be.

But I have nothing, and I'm not sure who is worse for wear. 

Simone tells me "we need to talk"... isnt this like THE phrase that shoves an ice pick in your spine? an ice pick, no less, MADE from ice. Even worse, I call and ask if its something scary. "it could be" Yeah.
Thing is... I have NO idea what it could be... I have no indication that anything is wrong, and worse still, I cant even think up a hypothetical that sounds convincing... Anyways, this is a crappy half-done first draft cause as I was writing this, a friend sends me an SMS telling me its something good... so I stop writing... only now i find out he says this because "he has a hunch"
*sigh*
anyways... these are the illogical fretted thoughts of a guy who has just recived his first ever "we need to talk"
==================
My dear, I fear you.
My sweet, hateful heat.

Ignorance was bliss,
But not knowing is a death kiss.


Trusting a stranger,
not to break my heart.
I realise with a shudder;
she may have a head start.

So Im thinking up words
in anticipation of hers,
and though I know not how I feel
I am ready to appeal


My dear, I fear you.
My sweet, hateful heat.

Ignorance was bliss,
But not knowing is a death kiss.


Tell me what it means...

The first thought that I had,
was concern for her.
The second was more sad;
no longer will we be together.


My dear, I fear you.
My sweet, hateful heat.

Ignorance was bliss,
But not knowing is a death kiss. 

I wrote this one for a girl I'm chatting to right now. I've never been able to figure out why people can't accept that they're beautiful. Managed to convince her with my poetry though
A photo on the railway tracks
A beauty standing still
Hands in pockets, feet apart
To my eyes you are a thrill

Your hair like frozen sunlight
Eyes like mountain lakes
Lips as soft as velvet
Your face makes men's hearts break

So, yeah, I had quite a weekend...you can read about it on the main forum though. While stranded at my ex's place, I had a lot of time to amuse myself though, so I wrote...
A stranger's wife
Eyes like midnight diamonds
A voice so soft and sweet
Linked in love to another
Before we could meet

A lucky man her husband is
To see her every morn
Her perfect skin turned golden
By the first light of the dawn

To be her friend's an honour
I can scarcely hope to claim
Since should the friendship falter
I'll shoulder all the blame

My affection must be tempered
Not restricted or concealed
After all, it's nigh impossible
To hide the way I feel

At a glance my heart will quicken
My lips curl in a smile
And when her face lights up the same
My heart rate hits new highs

Though jealousy is easy
I'd much rather let it go
After all, if he weren't worthy
Would she take him as her beau?

Besides that, the friendship's wonderful
We chattered through the night
While wandering moonlit city streets
With a tour group themed on fright

I'll be polite and charming
I've been that way all my life
And maintain this perfect friendship
With a total stranger's wife


And this one's not got a name...

Visiting a girl is hard
When her intentions are unclear
When her affection switches hot and cold
Whenever you are near

The situation worsens
When her ex is there as well
You try to just ignore him
Since you're sure he's leaving soon

And sure enough he goes
But you still end up alone
Left to entertain yourself
While she chatters on the phone

And then the ex returns
And he'll stay until the morning
You never would have come
Had she given you a warning

Alas there's no escape
Since you've no transport of your own
You're stranded in her loungeroom
Many hours from your home

You're sleeping on the couch now
Her ex sleeps in her bed
You've got endless strings of wishes
That you'd just stayed home instead

Tomorrow you can leave
Catch an early morning train
After bidding her goodbye
Leave her to play her childish games


And one about my night on the couch

For someone tall as I am
The couch is not a bed
My feet hang off the bottom
From the other end, my head

In discomfort on the sofa
Trying hard to sleep
Using all the tricks I've heard
From lullabyes to counting sheep

In the end it's soothing music
From the discman in my bag
Gentle melody surrounds me
Sending me off to dream land


I've noticed all my stuff has the same format...it just seems to be the way I think...*shrugs* Anyway, hope you liked them

Alone right now
With people around.
They see me and pass,
Without making a sound.
Numb to the world
Fighting battles inside.
Push emotions away
Find the good ones that died.
No one can help me
I'll beat this myself.
Depression's a curse
I'll fight it til death. 

Oh my goddess of moon,

may you shine your glorious light upon me,

bathe me in your warmth, and lovely light,

take away my wish, my love, my sorrow and my desires,

and let me sleep

sleep.

in the eternal night.

Sleep well, oh those millions of souls restless in Beijing.

Sleep well.

may you find your requiem tonight

Now...all this chit chat back and forth is very nice...but if pushed my beautiful poems to the bottom..and no one is reading them....so again I say...what about ME??!!??!!

*grin*

here...make me feel better and read this really strange poem I wrote last night...hmm... A Poem just for you!

Nightmares
Sometimes I just sit in mundane existence,
Less than whole.
Isolated,
Detached from the circle.
Having dreams,
Feigning existence,
Rainbow colored visions hang upon the wall,

Shattered nightmares fall to the ground
Artificial memories run through my mind.
And demons escape
Into my reality.

Not seeing them for what they are,
I feel found.

Being lost in the world
Alone and afraid
These demons understand me
Holding out a hand
I feel complete

A false salvation

Being told I have no future
I fall into the past
Into the grasp
Hearing the lies as truth
The truth as lies

Remembering things not what they were
While the harmony altars

Nothing to perceive
I walk these halls of make believe

Rejoicing at having the hurt eradicated
Taken away
I walk from this place
Blind
Hand in hand
With my nightmares

August 18, 2000


yup...strange wouldn't you say?

:)

Ever and always
Me

Swarm

Recently a 16 year old student was murdered after standing up for his pregnant friend at a pool hall. he was chased by 15 (!!!) other youths and then beaten and stabbed to death.
the following song is for Drew Stewart, and other victims of this kind of bullshit.
Swarm

They group like an insect cloud
They talk with a buzz so loud
One small annoyance one small thing
Run for your life, you're gonna feel the STING!

Just like a swarm of killer bees
They'll attack and they won't cease
Mindless agression is the name of their game
Enrage the bees and it's the end of your day

Acting on instinct, it's time to fight
They don't care what they do, wrong or right
When they're through with ruining lives
They buzz off back to their little hives

Just like a swarm of killer bees
They'll attack and they won't cease
Mindless agression is the name of their game
Enrage the bees and it's the end of your day

Thinking of a Dream

Sunday's dark persists, I sleep.
A hazy dreamish logic smothers panic,
dulls denials skin could not,
should not tear like ruined orange-rinds
beneath my hands; that dissolution
demands pain and not this sighing
slow bass tremble,
a genesis of dust from husks
of ligiments and lungs
until the spine alone abides
to feel the lover's touch and scraping chill
of air across a memory of nerves.

Monday's dawn persists, I cannot sleep
and so I sit beneath the window,
only thinking of a dream I had.    

Memento.

Long ago we were over
The relationship died.
But you didn't let go,
Keeping feelings inside.

Now I've met a new girl.
The catch - she's your friend.
Straight away you demand
The relationship's end.

You won't let me date her
So this is goodbye.
I'll leave you her friendship
To remember me by.

This went well one time
Except for Doug who can't count
to five, seven, five

Let's try it again
The rules are very simple
Just write some haiku

Tell me about life
The universe and more stuff
you know, everything

Quiet keys clicking
Make the words appear on screen
Then click "Add Reply" 

Poor little burger
You were made with what was left
Being last is never fun
Your brothers laugh on the hot skillet
You try but there isn't enough of you
The cheese is the final insult
as it hangs over your sides and burns
Poor little burger

*chomp* *munch*

Dont really know if youd call this a poem as such...

Dont really know if youd call this a poem as such...
Yes, I do still write, but these days its only when Im particularly inspired to do so, and generally arent anything to be proud of. This is no different, but the little burst of poetry in recent made me want to share something back. So I went for a rummage and this is what I came up with. A product of my latest depressive implosion. I feel better again now, so dont go getting sympathetic and pitiful for lil olde me now, mkay.
I have lost the will to live,
or maybe I never had it.
I dont remember ever wanting to.
Just fearing not to.
Too scared to make it *stop*...
Its cheating anyway:
If you have to suffer,
why should i not too?
I just want not to exist,
in any time and space.
Is that so *wrong* a thing?
But I dont know how,
and death is not the same.

So here I live without the will to.
Where every effort is torture.
Where escape is the only fun.
Refugee from reality.
Procrastination delays the end.
I dont know what to do with this unwanted life that doesnt love me.
I would give it to someone else.
I would deny it in the first place.
I would break my hand...
just to make something happen.
To avoid the work I have no passion for.
But rewards are for people who are different
who have passion and faith
who make efforts for them.
i have neither passion nor faith.
I have not the will nor the effort.

I feel doomed to fail.
To waste a life given me.
to only ever feel the echos
the shades of emotions:
Hate & Love
Happiness & Sadness
Anger & pride
The feelings I get are these:
fear depression guilt apathy disgust anxiety.
all directed at myself.
Not that *my* self is a very defined thing.
Why do I slump so low,
when all that happens is *life*?
when other people keep going, and making efforts?
I cant be bothered.
Not 'I dont want to'
I cant.
Sometimes I do want to do it.
Whatever "it" is... life.
But I cant. I try, and I fail.
I dont try and its just as bad.
I try again and determination fades and dies and I am left behind,
to try again; to motivate myself.
But I have no inertia.
No momentum.
And the world has so much friction to stop me again
every time
at any time.
So give me a life I can use,
or just gift me death.
I am beyond caring
which you choose. 

The Nature In War by yours truely

As the ants march forward,
the grass is still green.
The hummingbirds fly
in the blue sky, looking for the flower.
The scorpions roam
on the brown earth.

The flower is seen,
and everyone knows
that in our garden
we have enough flowers of our own.
“What is the point of having more flowers?”
a naïve ant asked but nobody answered,
as if they were brainwashed to go on.

“We are next to the flower,” the birds report,
“and it will be ours soon!”
They all invaded,
blindly followed the soldier-ant.
Other flowers on the trail
were ruined and destroyed.
The birds fell from the sky.
The ants got stepped on.
But no one noticed
that the flower was already gone.

What It Is

I don't know where I'm going
But I feel free
I want to float in
What you do to me

Never leave it
Always stay
Whatever it may be
It's swept me away

I've found something
That I'd lost but never had
I want to float in
What you do to make me glad

Always looking up
Follow the flow
Let it wrap around me
Never let it go

Please don't let me
Break what we are
Please don't allow me
To go too far

It took so long
For me to find
If I ever lost it
I'd lose my mind

I want to float in
What you do to me
I don't know where we're going
But I feel free

Please help me float
Don't let me drown
Since you picked me up
I don't want to go back down

When I'm in it
I feel I can fly
If I ever lose it
I'll lay down and die

It's all there is
What else could I see
You're all there is
Who else would there be

Ignite the thruster,
Buy a duster,
fry a bee,
i gotta pee,
life is sweet
have a seat
sillywilly poem
rhymes with jeroboam
for all you fools
get your mules
we're gonna hike
before they strike
we're gonna travel
perhaps unravel
the magic of a certain place
make sure you got your mace
please try not to pillage
as we enter the unwashed village
leave your soaps at the door
you wont need em anymore
please stop at the gift shop
man, i really really want an op!

it cleans
it smells
its toxic if you eat a lot of it

it has shapes on it
it may be made of fat

the soap is your mate
its the thing you all hate (except several few)

*pointing at audience*
you know who you are

Summer Summer
What a Bummer
It has to end
and it makes me sad
I go back to school
and do real bad.

Call out for me
But dont speak to loud
Come look for me
But dont stay around
See me when its darker
Are you sick
No YOU'RE A STALKER
YOU SCARY LUNATIC!!!!!!

Y.O.W.E.

Can you feel me, growing inside
I can see your fears, I swallow your pride
Escape isnt an option, nor is death
I keep you on the path, till your last breath
I'm your worst enemy, and your blind to the fact
I'm winning this battle, and you lack the tact
The tact to fight back, and now you see
That i'm you, Your Own Worst Enemy..........

Prison of Mind

In a prison
not of steel nor brick.
In a World
too cruel and sick.

In my bed
I lie alone.
In a house
with no one home.

In the dark
with no lights lit.
In this chair
alone I sit.

No birds sing
where I reside.
In the dark
where I hide.

A breath of life
is all I need.
But all my prayers
no one heeds.

My true love
is out of reach.
Like a vicar
that cannot preach.

One day perhaps
I shall be free.
But how and when
I cannot see.

So in this prison
I must be.
Until my love
can set me free.

Quicksand

my heart is sinking
full of despair
the dream is lost
the hope is gone

slowly
im sinking into the quicksand
my heart is sinking
eaten up whole
still beating
sinking

in the quicksand
i sit there still
sinking
thinking
how i let the dream get away
how my wish wasn't fulfilled

if only i acted faster
i wouldnt have been here
if only i acted faster
the dream would become real
if only i acted faster
my heart wouldn't be sinking now

slowly
im sinking into the quicksand
my heart is sinking
eaten up whole
still beating
sinking

thinking
hoping
still dreaming
and loving.

Train Station

the ticket is bought
as sweat and tears slide down my face
torn from both arms as each side pulls me
which to choose?
which to disappoint?

"ALL ABOARD!"
they shout as the herd of passengers make their way to the train
pushing
shoving
me along
I try to fight
but there is no point
I have to make up my mind before the crowd does it for me

which to choose?
which to disappoint?

this decision is final
no regrets no remorse
no feeling of sorrow if didnt make the right choice
leaving with the train
to a new future
but leaving pieces of me behind

which to choose?
which to disappoint?

This first one doesn't really have a name...it was mainly just abstract thoughts that I managed to make rhyme. ------------------------
Sometimes the world gets too much
Makes me want to run and hide
Or maybe fall and die
Or just sit down and cry

But the problem is I'm stubborn
Soldier on and don't complain
March on through wind and rain
In the end it's all the same
------------------------

This next one was going to be a poem when I started, made out of the leftover ideas from the previous poem.
And before you worry, no, I'm not feeling suicidal. But the poem is sort of a glance back at the times when I have felt that way.

Promises

Too many promises made
Long forgotten by those that hold them
But whether they remember or not
If I break my word, I've failed them

Sure, if I break it they'll never know
It's not like we've kept in touch
They'll go on with their lives, wherever they are
Unaware that for me life's too much

But again there's the promises
Made time and again
A promise holds power
When made to a friend

So I guess I'll keep living
One day at a time
And vent all my sorrow
In snippets of rhyme

--------------------

Thought I'd have a try at a more lyrical style. It turned out pretty well I think.

Thought I'd have a try at a more lyrical style. It turned out pretty well I think.
Now if I can just learn to give these things names...oh well, enjoy
 I sit here alone
Walls all around me
Brain too busy to sleep
Words flicker by
I write a few down
Pondering which ones to keep

Poetry doesn't come easy to me
Just a single verse can take an age
But at times like these
When the darkness crowds in
The words in my head fill the page

A half recalled quote
The other half fake
It suits the purpose well
A few more lines
Just enough for a hint
So when someone reads they can tell

Poetry doesn't come easy to me
But stories, of those I'm a master
Try to make the words rhyme
Get a rhythm in place
And perhaps then a poem will come faster...

To make them all see
That's all I want
Show them what's inside my head
Wish all they want
Even push it on me
But the last thing I'll ever be's dead

Poem kinda

You don't like me
I don't even relise you exist
You beat me up bad
I knock you down and walk away
you get up and beat me again
don't push your luck boy
you start to taunt
I chuckle and turn around
you cower and scream for mercy
oh too late boyo *blam*
*thud*
I warned ya.

like an animal in a cage
looking at the passing crowd
hoping for a treat
my heart beats fast
as you go near me,
hoping that you will look at me

but our eyes dont meet
as you pass by.
the scent of you fills me with tears
as it leaves and the scent of lonesomeness arrives.

kept in the cage
alone
will you pass by me again?
will i have the courage to make you notice me?
will i be brave enough to go near you?
what if i will?
but what if it would be too late?
and the quest ends
as abruptly as it began.

sitting in the cage,
alone,
hopeful,
sitting in the dark
waiting for you to come back.

sitting on a bench in the park,
remembering happy times,
of times when worries were just a myth.

i was an eagle,
enjoying the wind,
gliding away.

my hair brushes in the wind,
the sky are cloudy now,
alone in the park.

the scent of rain surrounds me,
as i hear the branches of a nearby tree collide,
as the eagle's nest is shaken.

the drops fall on me,
and slide down my cheeks,
as i wait for you.

the eagle tries to remain in its nest,
as the storm develops.
it sits there, worrying, like me.

i close my eyes, waiting for you.
a small ray of sunshine hits my eye,
as i open them i see you.

we run at each other
with open arms, hug
and go together.

the eagle passed the test,
still sitting still in its nest,
silent,
proud.

Flower

A lonley flower in the field
gazing at the moon.
Its petals are sealed
while whistling a tune.

Thinking of things,
of future to come,
of having two wings,
to fly and to hum.

Its life is sweet,
no worries no fears.
Just a long lasting treat
of twenty five years.

You are that flower,
in this happy hour.

Some People Want to Fill The World With Silly Love Songs

Insanity collects me,
His voice affects me,
Reason rejects me,
His smile infects me,
His breath connects me,
Our love protects me.

My head spins, dizzy,
My heart kicks, busy,
Hope swells, fizzy,
His arms around me.

My needs, provided,
Our souls, collided,
So soon decided,
Our paths are guided.

My breath unfinished,
All others diminished.

His voice, my goal,
My heart made whole.

Loving hearts, but blinding souls
I see your spirit deep in holes
Blackened clouds, bright desires
Living in a world of big fat liars

Love is all we have
Love is all we need
I want you to love me
I need you to love me

Dying hearts, but brightened souls
I see your mind opening in holes
Rainbow’d clouds, dark desires
Why do I always fall for liars?

These are four poems I've written since 11/30

These are four poems I've written since 11/30. No, nothing depressing in my life but they came to mind so I wrote them down. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Jaded Teardrops (of the Soul)

Drip, drop...
I think my heart just stopped,
I saw you walk away,
But saw the reaper come my way.

I ran and I cried,
Though no-one had died (except me),
I swear that I tried,
To keep you from going away.

I pulled away,
You pulled me near,
I saw you wipe away my (shallow) tears.

My heart is aching,
Your lips are lying,
Time's still moving,
But my soul is dying.

You left me cold,
My face is bare,
And only now is when I care.
I pushed too hard,
You pulled away,
I shot myself down,
But I'll die another day.

I hate myself,
But I love you dearly,
Your lips so sweet,
And your eyes so deeply,
Please come back,
I need you still,
Even though I've lost my will to.. Care

I still love you,
I'm still trying,
I can honestly say that I'm dying (without you).

But you don't care,
You don't love me,
You think you're so high above me,
You're too good,
And you're too perfect,
But you need a reality check.

I'm all alone,
The bed is cold,
My heart is old,
And you're nowhere near,
So all I have left is my.. jaded tears..



Lost Reminiscence

Watching and waiting,
Always debating,
Standing so near,
Standing so far (away),
I shed a tear,
I miss the light of day.

Opening my heart,
Opening my soul,
Both of which it was you that you stole.
Smashing my heart,
Smashing my soul,
Lost and confused,
With nowhere to go.

Wrapped in your arms,
I'm trapped in your grasp,
I'm gasping for breath.
Wrapped in your warmth,
I'm trapped by your coldness,
I'm choked by your kiss of death.

You're running away,
I'm running too,
You're running faster,
But I'm chasing after you.

I'm lost and I'm wailing,
My legs and my soul are trailing,
While my heart is flung against a wall,
And you can't even bother to call (me).

I hate you,
But I love you,
I need you,
But you scare me,
Like the blinding light,
And the fiercest storm,
You attack my being like a swarm (of bees).



Flaws

All my flaws,
All of my cares,
I stepped to the door,
And fell down the stairs (because of you).

You came into my life,
You opened the door,
You pissed on my heart,
And called me a whore.

Trickling down,
My stone-white face,
My blood-red tears,
Found their place,
Running down my endless cheeks,
Flowing over my skins minute peaks.

Down my neck,
That you choked so tight,
My wounds fade away,
As day turns into night.

Down my chest,
Over my breast,
It felt warm and soft,
Such as a sweet caress.

It permeated my skin,
Just as you had,
But I didn't love it,
Which is my greatest sin.

You took me for granted,
And I always complained,
Your views are so slanted,
And my clothes are blood-stained.

All of your flaws,
All of your cares,
You stepped to the door,
And you fell down the stairs (because of me).



Hooks

Cutting into me,
Turning slowly about,
The hooks are too deep,
I can't pull them out.

The hooks in me,
The traps that you set,
You played with my heart,
And said not to fret.

Running through me,
Piercing my skin,
You pull them out quickly,
And hook them back in (I won't ever win).

I'm running away,
You're reeling in the line,
They snag and tear my flesh,
And I let out a whine (As I fall)

I'm falling so hard,
With no way to stop,
I have no will left,
So I let myself drop.

I'm pulling them out,
You're putting them in,
Trying to get away,
But you always win.

I've stopped running,
I won't get away,
You've got a grin,
But I guess I'll just stay.

The holes in my skin,
The holes in my heart,
The holes in my soul,
The holes in everything.

Just like a tree,
With a rope wrapped around it,
It may get hurt,
But it always finds ways to grow around it.

All The Things You Said

All the things you said,
So often to my soul,
Made me wonder which path I tread,
And made me feel so old.

A gentle kiss,
A sweet caress,
The delicate closeness,
But it wasn't bliss.

The sun was shining,
But the shadows were closing (in),
You tried to pull fast ones (on me),
But I wasn't dozing.

You said something to me,
Said never before,
You said you would stay,
And I wouldn't be alone anymore.

Time passed us by,
As I watched the grass (grow),
I guess I waited too long,
Because you have a new lass.

Never would leave,
Turned into goodbye,
I suppose I could grieve,
But I won't let time pass me by (anymore).

Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to me,
But never again (never),
Will you see (inside my soul),
It's only meant for me.

A delicate balance,
Was shattered like glass,
It came down to goodbye,
Because you "had" to lie (to me).

For All The Times...

For all the times you've made me laugh,
You've made me happy (..thank you).

For all the times you've made me cry,
You've made me sit and wonder why (I stay).

For all the times you've made me angry,
You've made me what I hate to be (to you).

For all the times you've made me see,
You've made me see what I could be (with you).

For all the times we were close,
You made me see nothing else.

For all the times we were apart,
You left me with emotions ghost.

Of all the things,
I miss the most,
I miss your touch,
To feel you close (to me).

You're not too far,
But far away,
You'll be home,
At the end of the day.

When you get home,
Hold me tight,
Kiss my lips,
And I'll smile bright.

Of all the things,
I love the most,
I love your strength,
For not letting go (ever).

And for all the times I've let you down,
I'm sorry and I'll try harder the next time around.

Club Fight

You don’t know me
I don’t know you
You better stop running your mouth
And acting like a fool.

Keep talking like that
You feel like taking on anyone
One word more word and you’ll get slapped.
You picked the wrong someone (to talk shit to)

Liquid Courage aka booze
Looking for a fight
You feel you can’t loose
Son this just ain't you night

You pick a fight with the first person you see
You’re just another name to add to my list
That person happens to be me
Your mouth now has got you talking with you fists

So what? You’ve had a bad day
Drunk so much can’t even remember your name
Your mouth now has you in a bad way
You looking at some one who brings the pain

I duck out of the way
You swing and missed
As I said before this ain’t your day
Didn’t hit me and now your pissed

You swing at me again
I move out of the way with no effort at all
Dose this make you feel like more of a man
With one push you hit the wall

It’s just not your night
To me your just some drunk creep
Remember you started this fight
With one hit I send you to sleep

It Is Dark

I once held light in my heart
It imploded
I once had hope in my heart
It eroded
I smiled once in my heart
Now I'm frowning
Once love thrived in my heart
Now I'm drowning
The darkness spreads
In my chest
The murky black seeps
It makes a nest
I can't breathe
It hurts to think
I can't dream
It pushes(me)to the brink
I once was loved
Now it's lost
I once was loved
At what cost?

It is dark.

in the middle of nothing we think of something,
in the middle of something we think of nothing.

why is when we are doing something we dont take the time to think of nothing in particular,
but when we are doing nothing we always take the time to think of something better than nothing?

-think about it-

Aishiteru (I Love You)

How can someone do this to me?
Make me see the world so differently

Looking into your eyes make me feel whole
Like I could see into your soul

Wrestling on the ground like we’ve done before
Make me want you more and more

Running my fingers through you hair
Takes away all despair

How can holding you make me want you?
Making me know what you say is true

Some times the longing is too much
I just need to feel your touch

Now I hold you in my arms
I want to shield you from all the worlds harm

I once was lost, but now I have found you
The only thing left to say is I love you