Thanks to our old mate Jonesy,
The Poetry Bastards can travel time,
We felt that we needed to change a few things,
To make them more than fine.
We were there at the Declaration of Independence,
We are political now and then,
But when the signing was over,
We stole their sill pen.
We attended the invention of frothy beer,
An invention heaven sent,
But we convinced the inventor to,
raise the alcohol content.
We attended the idea of crop rotation,
On this subject we much know,
Rotate the fields that you use,
Then you'll have less distance to go.
Frozen pizza was another significant event,
One of the best of all,
You can have pizza in front of the footy,
Without making a phone call.
The Industrial Revoultion was the next stop,
On the Bastard bus,
Getting machines to do all the work,
That sounds all right to us.
The Renaissance was next on the list,
We were quiet as a mouse,
We wanted to talk to Michaelangelo,
To see if he'd paint our house.
We also attended the invention of print,
We were trusted and inside,
We wanted to help spread the Bastard message,
So it went far and wide.
We were at the Fall of the Roman Empire,
It wasn't our fault at all,
We just leant a little here and there,
We had no idea it's fall.
We were there before World War 2,
Eating ice cream - I think vanilla,
Ymir said to Hitler, "Is that a moustache,
Or are you eating a caterpillar."
Well, Hitler took some exception to this,
As he was prone to do,
His bad temper ended 6 years later,
But I don't need to tell you.
We were there at the invention of the wheel,
But only because we wanted a bet,
Once the wheel was operational,
We showed them some roulette.
We were there at the invention of the light bulb,
Edison our message did hark,
With his invention he would enable,
Bastard Poetry in the dark.
We sailed off with Christopher Colombus,
When he thought the Earth flat,
He then wanted to call it frothy,
But we set him straight on that.
You see, he liked to have a beer with us,
And if the world wasn't flat,
It was like unflat beer - frothy,
But I bet you'd worked out that.
Lastly we visited the dinosaurs,
At fun we did poke,
They would probably be still around today,
If Night Owl didn't teach them to smoke.
Cheers from the Land of Oz
